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Original poster

Bathing with child

22 replies

LucyLocketX · 28/05/2015 06:48

Is it ok for a dad to bathe with his 5 year old DD? No reason to suspect anything untoward but is it appropriate at that age?

OP posts:

however · 28/05/2015 06:53

There was a thread in AIBU a while ago that frankly, turned weird, with people declaring it was pervy to 'lock legs' with your child from that age.

Our baths in our current apartment are small. My children (the oldest is 9) sometimes get in with me. I normally get out soon after as it's too squishy. There's no way they could do it with my husband, he's too big.

If we had one of those larger spa bath type jobbies, I've no doubt they would get in with him. And I'd think nothing of it.

It's not like he'd be singing out to the kids every evening "come on! It's bath time!" But if they saw an opportunity, they might take it.

They see it more as an opportunity to exploit a captive audience, you know? They see me in there and think 'great! I'll get in too!'

There is the fact that we shower 99% of the time, and it's also a bit of a novelty.

Timeforabiscuit · 28/05/2015 06:55

Yes - at least it happened in our house.

Not when they got a bit bigger but that's because both dh and dd are physically too big to get into the bath together comfortably.

Original poster

LucyLocketX · 28/05/2015 07:00

Just some more background. It's actually my ex. So I'm not there when this happens. He is living with another partner now.
I don't think there's anything dodgy but it does make me a bit uncomfortable. I guess there's nothing I can do though? It's reassuring to know that other people think this is ok. Thank you for the replies.

OP posts:

yakari · 28/05/2015 07:08

You're going to end up with widely varying views on this. FWIW in our house this would not be weird - we have a small bath but a huge shower so it's not unusual for one person to be finishing a shower as another walks in and my kids are 8 and 6. We're a fairly relaxed family on nudity.
Others will come here with a completely opposite view.
For me, the main thing is letting you DD know that she does what she is comfortable with and stops whenever she stops being comfortable. And of course that's with the caveat
unless you had other concerns but from your op I'm assuming you don't

5inabed · 28/05/2015 07:11

Surely it's appropriate until the child doesn't want to? I can't have a bath without at least the youngest (5) jumping in if I'm caught! Sometimes all 3 (5,7,9) until I have to get out cos there's no space or is the problem because it's a male parent? Wouldn't bother me if the kids hopped in with dh but he very rarely has baths and is over 6ft so not sure there would be room. If there is no reason to suspect him why are you? Would it be a problem if you were still together?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 28/05/2015 07:12

Yes it's perfectly fine. No need to start avoiding nudity in front of your kids until they themselves start to feel uncomfortable with it which is usually older than 5. Bathing together is not something I've ever enjoyed with my ds but lots of kids find it fun so why not?

Rebecca2014 · 28/05/2015 07:16

I would not be happy if my ex did this with our 3 year old daughter.

Original poster

LucyLocketX · 28/05/2015 07:17

Thanks. These replies are all reassuring.
I don't suspect anything but just wondering if it's appropriate. It's not something my dad ever would have done with me but I know everyone is different.

OP posts:

gofuckyourself · 28/05/2015 07:22

I used to share a bath with my dad when I was a kid up until I pointed at his willy and laughed
I don't bathe with my kids, I don't have a problem with other families doing it I just think it's yucky to share bath water, it's not like in the old days were you had to share so I think it's pointless. I also like to relax in the bath and watch a movie on my iPad.

EuphemiaCoxton · 28/05/2015 09:27

2.5 year old dd throws a complete tantrum if she can't get in the bath with daddy. He doesn't mind, I hate sharing baths.
My stepdaughter used to climb in the bath with everyone until she was about 5.
But they were both the decisions of the children.
It depends on the individual situation I suppose.

BeCool · 28/05/2015 21:24

If it feels ok I think it's fine. My 2 dd's love a family bath.

eyebags63 · 28/05/2015 21:39

I don't think it is inappropriate as such, if DC are hopping in the bath with him when given the chance I wouldn't be bothered at all.

But if he were continually encouraging the DC to get in the bath with him and DC were not initiating / enthusiastic about it then I would find it odd and concerning. But then I would find it odd if the man was always insisting on being the one to supervise bath time as well.

What concerns me is why do you feel the need to ask the question? Do you have some nagging suspicions? (trust your instincts).

NinkyNonkers · 28/05/2015 21:43

Dh often bathes with the kids (girl nearly 5, boy 3) when it is their bathtime...makes supervision easier!

milkysmum · 28/05/2015 23:24

I have a 6 year old girl and 3 year old boy who will happily gate crash either mine or their fathers bath if they get the chance!

GooodMythicalMorning · 28/05/2015 23:29

My five year old would, and im pretty certain the nine year old still would if asked. Nine year old has asd though so probably acts a bit younger than others.

lovespuds · 28/05/2015 23:30

My ex does this with our daughter (aged 4) and he's just doing it how I used to do it when we all lived together.

CatthiefKeith · 29/05/2015 01:11

Dd clamours at the door to get in if dh is in the shower or bath. I doubt it would change if we split up. They squirt water at each other and trash the bathroom. She loves it.

SilverNightFairy · 29/05/2015 01:20

My 7 year old loves a jolly old splash with me in the tub. It's all good fun until she starts asking why my belly is so squishy and full of lines..

She would probably hop in the tub with her father if he wasn't 6'2 and 250lbs..

GirlWithaPearlEarring · 29/05/2015 05:30

No. I wouldn't be happy with it. But I'm a SA survivor and am probably over-sensitive. If this was my child and ex, I would be on alert for poss abuse 24/7. If you're uneasy at all go with your instincts.

Worriedaboutwee · 29/05/2015 05:38

I'd have no issue with this. DH baths with both our kids (separately, bath isn't that big!) and will continue to do so until they want to stop.

blacktreaclecat · 29/05/2015 06:09

I bath with DS ( nearly 3) - not sure when we 'll stop.
My family are relaxed about nudity- I still see my parents naked sometimes and they me.

EvilTendency1 · 29/05/2015 09:06

Myself, I'm relaxed about it, my DC would happily gate crash a bath too, I have no issue being naked in front of her.

DH on the hand wouldn't feel comfortable nor would he let DC share the bath, I've discussed it before with him and he found it odd that other men shared baths with their children ! I think a lot of your attitude comes from your own family maybe, my parents were open about nudity (never shared a bath with my dad though) but my mum I did, whereas DH never saw his parents nude.

If DC is happy with it, I probably wouldn't be to worried but if she wasn't instigating the shared bath then I'd be a bit

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