Worried About My Mum

[Crabbyapple]

I am really worried about my mum, she seems to have gone off the rails. About 18 months ago we found out that she'd been having an affair with a man from work, she was spending nights with him before and after my father found out. We then found out that this man is only 25, that's only 3 years older than me and the same age as my brother, she's 47.
She then left my dad and went to live with this man in his flat, he was fresh out of a relationship himself and has children to his ex. We thought she was just using this man as an excuse to leave dad but they then rented a house together and my younger brother and sister moved in with them so she's now playing happy families with this 25 year old, dad was going nuts and is still finding it hard to cope.
She is trying very hard with this man, she buys him expensive clothes, "Boy racer" stuff for the car and has taken on his debt with him and they have now bought a sporty car which he wanted, its like she's doing everything she can to keep him with her. She is very insecure going mad and arguining with him if any females phone or text, especially if it's his ex who is the same age as him.

I'm just worried that all of this is going to collapse and she will be left with nothing, why would a 25 year old stay with a 47 year old with 4 kids when he was young, free and single to do whatever he wanted before? Is he staying with her for her money? not that she has alot but she has more than him. Is he likely to get up and leave one day?

Am I worrying over nothing?

hi didn't want to see this and not post

no - i think you have a great deal to worry about, unfortunately. i can tell you one very good reason why a 25 year old stays with a 47 year old - money. she is obviously pandering to his every whim and taking on his debts is a huge step.

i would also be concerned about her taking your younger siblings to his house - imo that smacks of total selfishness, dragging these kids to a strange environment. how old are they? are they coping? do they see their/your dad?

she sounds hugely insecure. unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do...perhaps take your younger siblings and have them stay with you for a bit, to minimise their distress when this relationship goes tits-up? or lobby for them to stay with your dad? also, don't hold back with your opinion to her. TELL HER you think she's making a mistake. she probably won't like it, she may even not speak to you again, but i think you owe it to her to be honest with her.

ooh - this turned into a massive rant! sorry if you think i'm being harsh - no doubt others will say it's her life to do what she wants with, but if she still has children living with her, then it isn't really. hth.....xxx

The younger kids are 8 and 14. They have been together now for almost 2 years so maybe it will work out? a few people have said there is no way in hell this relationship will last. He was apparantly in a very "controlling" relationship before this and now he's found someone who will let him get away with murder he's really taking advantage , he doesn't actually treat her badly but he does seem very immature compared to her (which I suppose he would do).

i was in a bad relationship for almost 4 years, and managed to get out of it with the support of my family and friends. that was also a very controlling relationship, though for different reasons.

2 years isn't really a very long time to be with someone - how long was she with your dad?