Too busy for a relationship? Or something else?

[Rachyrachrach]

I met someone about 10 weeks ago, hit it off, started dating. 3rd date in he cancelled at the last minute and said that something had come up at work. I was pissed off but let it go.

We get on really well, have a laugh together but the work thing is becoming a major issue. I don't want to go into too much detail but he is fairly senior and his job is one where he can be called in for an emergency where often it does have to be him because of the seniority level. Additionally there are some uncertainties about the future of the department he works for which has resulted in a couple of his staff finding new jobs and leaving him very short handed and working insanely long shifts.

To cut a long story short he has only had one day off for about 3 weeks and that was while I was away so we now haven't seen each other for 4 weeks. He cancelled a date a week before I went away and I told him at that point that I couldn't carry on attempting to build a relationship with someone I never see. I was ready to walk but somehow he talked me around.

I'm confused a bit by the whole situation. In some ways he seems more into me than I am into him, he texts every day, calls most days. He did tell me that he loved me but I told him that he was getting a bit carried away as he doesn't know me well enough to know whether he does or not and he hasn't said it since. Whereas I have wanted to take things fairly slowly as I have a bit of a habit of getting very involved with new men very quickly and inevitably getting hurt so I've been trying to protect myself a bit more this time.

But if he's that into me then surely he'd be making more effort to actually see me? I got back from my weekend away on Monday and we still have no definite plans. He says he's hoping to be free on Friday but can't make any promises yet. I keep veering between believing him about his work situation and thinking he's just keeping me dangling.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I really like the guy and can see the potential for a brilliant relationship but at the same time I don't know whether I'm prepared to put myself through all this uncertainty for someone I've only known a few weeks.

He's let you down again. Don't give him another chance. Forget about him!

When I was dating I would end it on the second cancelled date, or weekend with no plans, unless an obviously genuine reason - I don't have kids so possibly had more time than some people but was perfectly happy if they had kids and therefore didn't see me on that alt weekend, that's a genuine reason, then the odd plan elsewhere, but if two weeks went by with no date that'd be it.

One guy did what you have just described for our second date - he called me at exactly the time we were due to be meeting to say he was stuck at work and it would be later. Well, as it was already 7.30pm and he lived about an hour from me I couldn't see how that was going to play out well, so I binned him. He was most disgruntled. But I kind of figure if they can't sort themselves out (and COMMUNICATE) in the first few weeks then there's very little hope of it going well longer term. They need to want to see you so much they'd out anything aside.
OK, I'm not totally unreasonable, that's why I allowed them to cancel one date and get away with it :)

(btw, how come he managed to find time to be in the pub you met him him?)

Cripes, I don't miss dating though!

Here's a thought: he might well just be very busy at work.

He might genuinely like you but not have the time at the moment to offer you the commitment you want.

It's unfair to say he's a bastardise leading you on or not that into you because we just don't know.

People who have very senior and presumably very well paid positions, don't get them by putting in 36 hours as if they were in shop.

I think only you can decide if you want this life or not. Why not lay your card son the table and say you like him etc etc but you want to be with someone who can offer a bit more commitment etc..what does he think?

He is not prepared to ever put you first. You are better off without him.

I was with someone who would say 'I'll come round tomorrow night and we'll go out for a drink/ meal/ cinema/ whatever.' Never a time and he would then ring and say 'I'm on my way, just got a couple of things to do' and turn up at half 9 or 10 o'clock.

I just was not very important to him.

When I met DH and we went out he was a bit early and never let me down once. Even turned down tickets to his beloved Bradford City because he had said we would go up the coast for a walk that day.

Don't waste a second more of your time on him.