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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

don't want to rush it but I really like him!

34 replies

MollySox · 26/05/2015 08:19

Hi everyone - looking for a bit of advic on this situation!

A couple of months ago I started seeing a guy. I've known him a while and he is good friends with my older brother. I used to see him all the time in bars and we would stay together all night chatting. We kissed and he started txting me and a few weeks later we slept together. We slept together twice but never went on a date. He asked me once and then made an excuse and it never happened. After a bit things fizzled out and we didn't really text that often.

I saw him again over the bank holiday and we stayed together again and he came back to my house. It turns out he has just bought a house and he's been on holiday, so I understand why he may have been quiet. He also said I used to text him all the time but I never do no more. He was on his phone and there were quite a lot of txts off people who he hadn't read, and he said he just forgets. He did this with me a few times and I thought it was just me but seems like he is that kind of person anyway?!

He was really sweet yesterday and stayed at my house until tea time. He went back out with his mates and texted me and then later on he asked if I wanted to go bowling. I said yes and he never replied. I know he was out with friends but he read the txt and didn't reply.

I want to take things slow (I feel I tried rushing things before) and want him to chase me, not the other way round. Shall I just wait for him to txt me again or do I ask him? what if he never asks again?!

Thanks :)

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 26/05/2015 14:10

"wait and see what he wants"

oh dear...those are not the words of a woman in control of a fuck buddy arrangement. ...

molyholy · 26/05/2015 14:11

don't want to rush it but I really like him!

^ This is the title of your thread, but now you have said you would be happy to be a fuckbuddy.

"I will have to wait and see what he wants and go from there"

Why? Isn't it important what YOU want?

Don't be a mug. Walk away.

Lj8893 · 26/05/2015 14:11

Your thread title says that you really like him. Don't ever enter a fuck buddy relationship with someone you really like, it will end in tears.

AnyFucker · 26/05/2015 14:13

I don't think molly is listening

People have to learn the hard way, sometimes

Lj8893 · 26/05/2015 14:14

Yep I think your right Anyfucker.

TheresACatInMeKitchen · 26/05/2015 17:14

Please listen to what everyone is telling you.

You can convince yourself that you would be happy with a FB but in reality you wont. You want a relationship he doesn't. Don't think you can change the way he feels and will suddenly want to live happily ever after with you.....He wont!

I have seen this too many times with friends, one in particular would be available for him every time he called. He would then go cold on her for days, weeks or even up to a couple of months
But then a soon as he called/text she back to square one.

She was so desperate to have that happy ever after she was willing to accept any little morsel that he threw her way. she convinced herself that she could change him while convincing others she didn't really want a relationship and that she was happy as she was.

Despite repeated warnings from friends and relatives, she let this go on for 2 years before finally accepting that he would never be emotionally available to her. Even then there was still a gimmer of hope that he might one day change his mind, he didn't.

She's now with someone who actually wants to be with her in a real relationship that makes her truly happy and looking back she says now she can see how fucked up it was.

Don't lower yourself to that kind of situation. It looks kind of desperate.

pictish · 27/05/2015 14:55

Of course, what can also happen in a fuckbuddy set up where one would actually prefer it was an established relationship, is that after weeks/months/years of being on-call and hopeful, the Longed For One eventually meets the woman he does want to establish a relationship with, then waltzes off into the moving-in-together sunset without a backwards glance never to be seen again.
So long and thanks for all the fish!

Lj8893 · 27/05/2015 15:34

Or they don't just waltz off into the sunset, but they expect fuck buddy to be really happy for them, and even choose to confide in fuck buddy because after all, they are buddy's.

pictish · 27/05/2015 16:01

Ah yes...there is the added joy of fuckbuddy having to be chilled, if not delighted for the Longed-For One.

"Yay...so glad I could be of use until someone better came along! I was kinda hoping you'd wake up and realise that I'm the perfect woman for you, and fall in love with me too, but never mind. She seems lovely!"

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