How do i tell H I am leaving and what do I do about a place to live??

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I have posted before about my situation: here and here

I have decided I am definitely ending the marriage. I don't know how to broach the subject. We are in rented accommodation so i will need to find another place to stay but I will need to get housing benefits and it is SO hard to get private rentals on benefits.

There is also the age old problem of telling our DS.

How have others done this? How can I tell H the marriage is over? How do I find another place to stay?

I have seen a solicitor and we have talked about the process and what I can and should be, but when it comes to the actual telling H what is up, I am stumped.

I would really appreciate any advice.

Looking at maintenance calculations it would seen that I might only get about £100 a month maintenance and then if DS is with H often, it would be reduced pro rata. So it is unlikely that any maintenance would be enough to pick up on the shortfall.

Hi Nothavingfunrightnow yup that's what I meant, I'm not trying to kick you when you are down, I'm just saying that landlords are under no obligation to take tenants on HB.

I know you weren't, Letscook. :)

Phew

Never ever rely on maintenance payments

Ant lone parent will tell you that! Bad advice to factor them in when budgeting

If you have a term time only job, one way of boosting your income would be to try and register as a childminder for summer holidays? I don't know if that's doable with your work contract, but it's something to consider.

Pooka, yes, it is something I could consider, but I have childminded before and I do not want to do it again. I am looking at tutoring part time and have been looking into that. Once I have gained my PGCE then I can do GSCE Marking over the summer but that is 2 summers away.

the landlord cannot ask one or other of you to leave without ending the tenancy for both. However, if one of you asks to leave and the other can afford the rent, things can be sorted. (BTW if the tenancy has a fixed term, no-one can end it early without agreement on all sides)

as noted, the landlord's mortgage/insurance may prohibit someone on benefits - but not necessarily, and certain conditions such as a guarantor may allow it. You won't know until you ask. A known tenant without a void period is a definite bonus.

as long as it is the brains of the operation staying, I got that one wrong

If you have someone who could lend you the deposit for a new place, could that not translate as a series of smaller loans to cover difference in rent while you finish your qualifications and get your finances in better shape?

Please don't let your bullying H have your DS 'often' if you can possibly work around it. Yes, he needs to have a relationship with his father - but he also deserves to have a secure and peaceful life.

If you have been a good tenant and been paying your rent on time and in a good relations with your landlord I would call him and explain what your intentions were and if it would be okay with him to stay whilst HB covers some of the rent. It would be easier for you to stay then for them to arrange a new tenant. My landlord did that once when I felt like DH and I had to separate and she was very happy as long as the rent was paid on time, Good luck OP

Will your DH just leave tho? You can't force that and neither can landlord

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions. I really appreciate it.

I do not know if H will leave willingly. I suspect he is as fed up with all of the tension in the house as I am.

I had considered suggesting 50/50 access to DS, SylvaniansAtEase, but I reckon the better option might be alternate weekends and once during the week or something along those lines. I wonder if DS will come to see a calmer side to my home once H is gone. I don't know if he will leave easily. Not a clue. he has no where to go. He has not told any friends what is happening and is not close to his family. In fact his friends do not live locally at all.

EvaLongoria, thank you for your suggestion. I am on good terms with the LL and we have always paid rent on time. I had wondered asking him to give us notice and then to enter into a rental agreement with only me to give me and DS some continuity but to prevent H from staying on if he refuses to leave.

FUCK!!!!! ARGH!!!

Wish he would just go.

OP, does your H work full time? I find it hard to believe you would only get about £100 per month, unless he's on minimum wage?

It's 15% of your salary

H is not on minimum wage - I did an online maintenance check, but I may have entered figures incorrectly.

I saw a solicitor last week and she said that the 15% rule has recently changed and it is now calculated on a sliding scale. It is also calculated to take into account the number of nights that the child stays with each parent.

I won't rely on maintenance when doing my sums because H is in financial shit (a huge part of the reason why I am fed up) and because he has a shameful attitude towards maintenance payments for children.

OP I see there are some practicalities to overcome, and that you have seen a solicitor. I'm sure you will find a way through. I'm just SO happy you are making plans to leave. Sorry, nothing more practical to add....

I was hoping you would pop up again, Handywoman :)

Thank you.

Don't need to mention the housing benefit, lots of people get a top up. I think they are more bothered if you are not working at all.

How many beds is the house? Would the landlord be up for a friend or flatmate moving in to help share the rent?

OP, your plan sounds excellent - work with your landlord who will probably want to keep you. But please ignore the advice not to mention the benefit support, it DOES matter and your landlord may need to declare it to mortgage/insurers. Because to do otherwise could be mortgage fraud, leading to repossession.

I think 'not mentioning HB' would invalidate his mortgage/insurance! Bad advice to not inform the landlord