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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Today is the day

46 replies

Goodnature · 25/05/2015 08:33

That the future of my marriage will be deceided.
Dh has been appalling to youngest dd, borderline emotional abuse , and the situation is untenable.
Dh has sought help, is on medication and in counselling and is going to start the process of trying to apologise to dc today.
If this cannot be resolved he will have to leave.
Not sure why Im posting .

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/05/2015 11:18

Oh dear, I agree with cabrinha

I am not sure that your daughter is in the best position to make decisions about the future of her family Sad

mortil2 · 25/05/2015 11:26

Good luck today. It must be really hard for all of you
Very well done for asking for all the helpyou are getting. I bet it feels very lonely whit no one in RL knowing

Happyfriday · 25/05/2015 11:30

How can you know on one day if your family can be 'salvaged'?

How can you make a decision based on what he says today?

Sorry it sounds a ridiculous arrangement.

It sounds as if there is a lot of damage to be repaired and what he does or says today isn't going to make any difference.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/05/2015 11:30

Not just the day the future of your marriage will be decided?

Could put it another way that it's an important day when you (especially you and DH) decide how you all best go forwards from here?

As indeed in many ways every day is?

Best of luck to you
Remember everyone's well-being is more important than any marriage

Lovingfreedom · 25/05/2015 11:58

I can't help wondering....Since when has being a bullying a'hole been a medical condition? He's going to try? Try not to abuse his child?

AnyFucker · 25/05/2015 12:07

Op, what medication has the doctor given him that will prevent him from emotionally abusing his daughter ?

Original poster
Goodnature · 25/05/2015 12:31

And with that I'm off. Thanks for the supportive posts. To the others I am doing my best .

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 25/05/2015 12:33

Sorry if any of my posts upset you. Good luck. Xx

Original poster
Goodnature · 25/05/2015 17:05

It's ok Loving, it's all things I need to hear.
Dh has been diagnosed with depression. There were 3 bullying arsehole incidents since OCtober last year. He sought help after the 2 nd one, but has had to have tests to rule out a physical cause (both his parents have dementia, his dm died of it 3 years ago, his df is recently diagnosed) during the lag between the test results coming through the 3rd incident acCured.
He is on medication for depression and seeing a therapists. I have been present for all doctors appointments and heard him disclose his behaviour. Dd will not be making any decisions, I will. She asked me not to make any decisions until after her exams. Flame away, it's nothing I havnt already said to myself.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 25/05/2015 17:07

So how did it go today?

Humansatnav · 25/05/2015 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Humansatnav · 25/05/2015 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg · 25/05/2015 17:39

It sounds incredibly stressful, no wonder emotions are running high.

You mentioned about today being decision day, hence asking how it had gone?

Original poster
Goodnature · 25/05/2015 18:00

He asked if she would speak with him and she said she will think about it.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 25/05/2015 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanSeberg · 25/05/2015 18:41

Think I'm missing something here.

Today's the day that the future of my marriage will be decided in the end boiled down to him asking if she'd speak to him?

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 25/05/2015 18:44

Hi AF, we've withdrawn that last post for you rather than delete it, ta. Best to get rid under the circs, sure you'll agree.

ALaughAMinute · 25/05/2015 18:47

It sounds as if the dd will be deciding the future of the marriage. I do hope not.

AnyFucker · 25/05/2015 18:48

Of course, Helen

I should have just reported actually, in hindsight

my best wishes to the op

Lovingfreedom · 25/05/2015 19:06

Don't mean to flame you OP. Just hope you are as patient and understanding with yourself. It is so easy for it all to become about 'him'

Original poster
Goodnature · 07/06/2015 08:30

Update - dd indeed had asked dh to back off and give her space. He did this , and dd also broke up with her bf. She then asked me to go to her councilling session with her and it emerged that the ex bf had been whispering in her ear about dh/ myself to try to make dd dependent on him. I was flabbergasted, but incredibly proud that dd had realised this with her councillor a help and finished with him.
About a week later she saw dh's ads in the cupboard and started asking him questions about the type of counciling he is receiving.
She then came to me and said that she wants to reconcile with dh, as she has seen how desperately he is working to "get back to being my proper dad" .
Sorry for any typos, got a large 6 month old puppy in my knee trying to wash my ears out !
Thank you to all who posted , Even if it was uncomfortable for me I needed to read it.

OP posts:
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