BF so different to me but treats me well

[whitecandles]

My boyfriend and I disagree on everything from big to small. He's quite conservative politically, I'm liberal. He likes seafood, I hate it. He likes to save, I like to spend. It makes things hard.

But he is really considerate. He treats me really well.

We had an issue for a while where he would pester me for sex. I talked to him about it and he was very apologetic and since then, it hasn't happened.

I don't know. I just wonder if it's possible to be with someone who thinks so differently to me.

It might be fun for a while but I don't think long term it will work out with such fundamental differences in values. What are you looking for from the relationship?

My DH are like chalk and cheese. We couldn't love each other more if we tried. It works for us as we meet in the middle

I'm a people pleaser give people the benefit of the doubt, he's fairly self centred and mistrustful from the start.

I'm a planner, he's good at crisis management because he's to to as he never plans!

I'm not materialistic but he very much is.

I believe in further education but he left school at 16.

I'm very cautious but he's a risk taker.

I'd like to be more social as a couple, he doesn't.

I'm a socialist, he's capitalist.

I'm an early bird, he sleeps in.

I love books he doesn't....

MsJJ79. Not lookig for anything per se. I don't have too many expectations from relationships, just seeing what happens.

Joysmum, interesting, thanks. I think we also try to meet in the middle. For example, he doesn't read, but he likes the fact that I do. I don't agree with his views on eg North Korea (he's Korean) but I can see where he's coming from.

Actually, we sound quite similar to you!

I suppose it's just weird cos I never thought I'd even be interested in someone so different to me.

And we have similarities. Both like outdoorsy stuff, like sleeping long in the mornings, watching the same films, same sense of humour.

And he really tries. He makes a huge effort in our relationship, travels long hours to see me, spends time with my friends, listens to me, is willing to try things I'm interested in...really, have had boyfriends who were so similar to me, had all the 'right' opinions, but treated me like crap.

I have the same situation with my husband. We have been married for 19 years. When we met, I was a vegetarian, and he was a "meat and potatoes" -type of guy. He is right wing, I am very lefty. I joke that he is so right wing and I am so left wing that we meet around the backside.

He reads only non-fiction, I much prefer fiction. I love poetry, he thinks it is mostly bunk. He is very grounded and briliant, and I am more artsy, with my head in the clouds. Interestingly, we are in the same career field but we have different approaches to our work. He is more conventional in his mode of dress, I am more experimental.

I did have some questions about our long-term compatibility when we were first dating, but I was so attracted to him physically that I couldn't stay away, and I just waited to see how things developed. In fact, it turned into the best relationship of my life.

The important thing is that I find him fabulous just as he is and vice versa.

We also have children and they find our differences very amusing. It is fun!

Oops, sorry! Computer glitch!!

Interesting, Zillie.

The thing is, he's just not that interested in politics and stuff. And I think fundamentally we do agree on a lot of things. But we come from very different countries, and have a very different way of thinking, also.

It is actually really opening my eyes to how judgemental I can be of others.

I've been with men different to me and it didn't work. I didn't like feeling embarrassed of their politics at parties, or I looked at them and thought, just no. I m now with someone I have masses in common with. do have a serious think about this because it is important. As a side note, what are his views on North Korea?

We're very different. Been together 10 years, married for two.

He's very much into films, music and sport. I have no interest in any of that. I had no tv until he moved in, he watches TV constantly. I love my work; he has no expectation that work should be enjoyable. I'm very sociable, he doesn't like many people outside of a few close friends. I'm high energy and want to fill my days, he's very laid back. He's careful with money, I'm (very) not. (Despite earning less than half what I do, he saves more!) He's super tidy, I'm erm....

The only thing we've come to agree on is politics. I was always very interested in politics and he was of the "all the same, what's the point" school of thought. He voted the absolute opposite of me. He's now become quite opinionated and is probably as passionate as I am. His Facebook feed has gone from football, F1 and techy geek stuff to discussions about the economy, human rights and the party leadership contests. Although, we're in Scotland where I think quite a few "Agnostics" have become politicised. We fell out last night over whether a certain politician should resign or not....

Great relationship though. We do different things but also do things together. He's very kind and patient. I've learned that there's no point getting annoyed. If he gets annoyed at me, he doesn't show it. I really do love him to bits and fancy the pants off him.

Opposites can work.

something2say: I'm not
embarrassed by his politics, he's not some raging BNP queer basher or something.

North Korea...well basically he says he doesn't feel in any way bad for them, that they brought on their suffering themselves, and that they should just have a revolution if it's that bad. It's just very hard to understand from my perspective, but it's not an uncommon viewpoint here. And very hard to square with the person I know who is invariably polite to everyone, helps old ladies across the road, and tells his dad he loves him every day.

Ohh I remember you, OP! You had another thread on here, didn't you?

Yes.

It's interesting you bring up differences such as seafood, but don't mention differences like you are really highly educated and he is not, or that he's 22 and you're 32. Some differences really don't matter but I think others really do. The fact he will want to stay in Korea where you don't think you do - that is a massive difference, isn't it?

Btw are you teaching English as a foreign language over there? My daughter's thinking of doing that. If you are, have you done it anywhere else? She's trying to work out where to go to.

Well, Imperial, I was pointing out that some of our differences are minor. And talking more about difference of opinion than other things which, in the past few weeks, have seemed less significant.

I'm not 'really highly' educated. And I don't view university education as being any big deal. Besides which, he speaks three languages fluently, can speak two more to a basic level, and studies English every day, so it's not like he's uneducated. Just differently so to me.

His age has kind of ceased to be a problem. He just doesn't seem younger than me. Maybe it felt like a problem in the beginning because I felt like a cradle snatcher.

Too different. Leave him now.

Of course although my DH and I are very different, we have loads in common too

What do you have in common OP?

Useful, casimir.

Joysmum - both like sport, being outdoors, just taking walks in the park or going for a hike.

Same sense of humour. Similar values in terms of, I dunno, but just into having quite a simple, quiet life. Neither of us have big groups of friends or want to be out partying all the time. Neither of us desperate for a career. I don't think either of us are interested in striving for lots of money or a big house. Not because of laziness; I just prefer to focus on being happy, as does he, I think.

Both interested in language. Like I said, he speaks three languages, I speak two and learning Korean now. We help each other with learning. He's very patient.

He's just very nice to be around. He's very quiet, unselfish...he treats me well.

He's just so different to other guys I've been with.