So my ex walked out on my son and I 2 months ago not happy with me and me not doing enough for him. Things have been up and down he is paying his debts in our house but not given any money for maintenance.
One of the biggest issues I had with him was him not accompanying me to an abortion he asked me to have because he had to work. Well after that he was very disengaged from family life and worked almost every evening and weekend out of the home I accepted this and set about looking after our child who was one and setting myself up to retrain for new career.
Well we had a conversation a few days ago and he admitted to me he hadn't been working that day he couldn't deal with it so went to the park and church. Then he felt bad and didn't want to be around our son and left me to it even though he knew I was struggling. He lied about working in the evenings and was just out thinking rather than talking to me. He let me be angry with him for 3 years about him working and ultimately I focused my attentions on myself and my child because I felt we weren't his focus.
I don't even know why this is messing with my head so much I just feel like he always runs and leaves me to deal with the shit and then when he feels like the fun stuff that's what he does. So angry he lied and this just feels like another betrayal I would have forgiven him for not coming in time but thinking he put wprk before us just made me pull away and concentrate on what I needed to sort out for my son and I. All done now despite being dumped while finishing first year teaching 
Why do I feel like this now?