Is this a worry ?

[shaniatwain]

Am at a loss here. And need others opinions ..
I'm a mum to a lovely little boy.
I left my partner over a year ago due to his excessive daily drinking and lack of interest in family life.
It's been very hard to do it but even on my blackest days I feel better than I did with him.
Hes made it very difficult for me since we split. Not paying maintence despite living with his mother. Not being proactive in the selling of our joint property. This suits him to keep it as he sees it as an investment for his future very few outgoings due to living with mother. So the house is rented out currently.
He has our son two nights a week and longer during the school holidays. Each time I bring up the subject of money he's says it's not the 1970s and I ll see you in court to fight for custody .. I've lost count of the times he has said this. More recently he has said that our son will choose to live with him anyway when he is ten. This terrifies me. He's always taking him out as he has all the money. He doesn't do the day to day stuff (boring) that I do. I have to travel half an hour each way to take and collect son from school as its near where we used to live. I want to move him to a school nearer me to save on fuel and also so he can build up a network of friend nearby. He is six.
What do you think ?

So he's stopping you going to the CSA to get him to pay the maintenance your DS is entitled to by saying he'll fight for custody if you do?

He'd have fought for custody before now if he wanted it. Call his bluff.

Just wanted to know if anyone has been through similar situation as his threats are actually giving me palpitations :-(

I'm in no was a pushover but this has really rocked me :-(

Just because he says he'll fight for it doesn't mean (a) that he would bother or (b) that he'll get it, you know (and it isn't custody nowadays - that makes your son sound like a prisoner!). Also although a child's wishes will be taken into account from age 10, it doesn't mean they necessarily just get to decide where they'll live. That's assuming he does want to live with his dad, which he may not even if dad does have more disposable income.

I'd stop worrying so much about what "he says" and look into getting some regular mandated maintenance. I'd also find out whether as the parent with main care you do have the right to move your son to a nearby school, because I think you may have unless it's unfairly inconvenient for the other parent.

Have you seen a solicitor? You can get half an hour consultation for free. If you haven't done that yet please do.

You might also be entitled to free or low cost legal representation if you have little money and if he was abusive in any way (which I guess he might have been, reading between the lines, but apologies if that's wrong).

You say the house is in both your names and is being rented out. Are you getting half the rental income? You are entitled to it.

You definitely need to talk to a solicitor to get advice about the house and arrangements for your child. And go through CSA (or whatever it's called now) to get the child maintenance payments you're entitled to.

Please ignore his threats, he is just bullying you and when you talk to a solicitor you will realise he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Don't worry about what he wants and he says. Think about what you want and what's best for you and your child. Get legal advice.

And stop talking to him.

Oh think about it, OP! For one thing, what kind of judge would 'give' the child to a man who's refused to pay anything for his care? Judges aren't stupid - they can see who is caring for the child.

Get a solicitor onto him regarding the house sale and get CSA onto him regarding child maintenance. You have nothing to fear from this man and everything to gain by getting everything formalised.

Are you married to the father of your ds? If not, is he named on your ds's birth certificate? .

Have you made application to the CSA for maintenance?

Why haven't you already moved your ds to a nearby school so that he can cement any friendships he may be making with children who live nearby?

Ask your nearest Women's Aid office to recommend solicitors who specialise in neutralising controlling and abusive twunts family law and who offer a free half hour consultation.

If the twunt is able to predict that your ds will want to live with him when he reaches the age of 10 ask him to provide the winning national and euromillions lottery numbers as, regardless of the child's wishes, there's about as much chance of an alcoholic winning custody of a minor as him coming up with right selection.

Bear in mind that his "excessive daily drinking" may come into play when he's making these boasts/threats and talking the talk doesn't mean he has any intention, or is capable, of walking it.

In any event, if he carries on drinking to excess it's probable he'll be incapable of carrying out his threats. To speed the process send him a case of Absinthe for his birthday.

Seriously, honey, don't let his empty threats get to you as the twunt who's a match for the collective wisdom of this board is yet to be born.

They all threaten to go for custody - it is just bullying

Why haven't you claimed child maintenance via child maintenance options? Do it now. And contact and money are separate issues so do not be swayed by his bullshit. And if you want to move schools why don't you do it?

He's just a bully trying it on with the standard threats - he won't get anywhere near your DS, don't worry. He is merely an arsehole sounding off.

He isn't the boss of you.

Take this advice ^^^ from the wiser women and get your big girl pants on and sort your life out

I'd see a solicitor and take their Advice.

Move schools.

Keep a diary of all his threats.

Keep a diary of any money he pays.

Keep a diary of his threats.

Tell him NOTHING.

Hi .. Thank you all for responding to me.. Already I'm feeling bolstered. Will be taking your positive and useful advice. Especially the diary of his threats.. Moving schools is top too. I need to build a new support system here. New local friends, no lengthy twice daily school journeys .. But mainly thing is no more confiding in a man who is not on my side..