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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it me?

4 replies

mumofabby · 10/11/2006 15:23

In my husbands previous marriage after having some problems (mainly caused by her having affairs etc) she met some bloke on the internet and when he had gone to work one day took the children and buggered off to live with this man, who lives in Yorkshire and we live in Hertfordshire. It's turned out to be the biggest mistake she made and she wants to come back from where she is living back to her home town. This is not the first time this has happened. The last time all her in-laws, her ex-husband and even me, his present wife) all rallied around to help. Within 24 hours she had taken the children and buggered off back to him without a word to anyone . Well here we go again, except this time because she has alienated all her in-laws she has phoned her ex, who she knows that if she uses the children he will drop everything and help . He has told her that he will bring the children down but she will have to make her own way. Fair enough you might think but that's not the way I see it. Perhaps it's just me and I'm just venting my anger out because if I say anything else I will just explode. It was only 2 months ago that her new husband wanted to have the children surname changed to his and when my husband suggested double-barreld they did not like that and communication between my husband and his children severed, which is what happens whenever they come to visit and have enjoyed themselves. Should we have been punished for this. Someone please say they understand. It was her idea to bugger off to Yorkshire and take the children not ours.

Really angry and hurt.

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 10/11/2006 15:40

She sounds like an idiot, but your husband isn't really helping her but the children.
She might bugger off with them again, but what else can he do, they're his kids?!
With any luck she'll bugger off herself the next time and leave kids with you !

FireFaerie · 10/11/2006 15:50

she sounds like a bit of an inconsiderate and somewhat selfish 'person' IMO, bouncing those poor kids about, although i cant really see how it could be resolved peacefully, withhout the children suffering more. i really really hoppe im wrong... good luck, and heres hoping she just settles down and thinks of the kids.

WinkyWinkola · 10/11/2006 18:52

I can totally understand why you are really angry and hurt but kids are often used as pawns in cr*ppy divorces/post divorce acrimony. Terrible to sever comms between dad and kids.

Your husband doesn't really have a choice though but to be there for them whatever happens and that means helping out whenever posssible. He sounds like a great dad. Unfortunately it also sounds like he's the only solid, reliable person in their lives. And you are too. You are part of his life and probably also represent stability and security to them.

The mother sounds bonkers and unstable - what is she thinking, dragging her children up and down the country?

What about applying for custody of the children?

As for double-barrelled names, why? They're not the new husband's children. They already have a father and a family name. God, you've got feel sorry for those kids and the tumultuous time they're having with their barmy mother. They must feel really unsettled.

Let us know what shakes down. Have a stiff G&T, rant some more on MN and give yourself a break!

mumofabby · 10/11/2006 22:37

Hi there Winki Winkola, thanx for your support and I whole heartedly agree with everything you say. I have only met their mum once or twice and spoken on the phone to her a couple of times and I'm not saying that I am a perfect mother by any means but I certainly wouldn't do what she has done . In everything she has done she always seems to put herself first, I thought your children should always come first, I know mine would every time. I feel so much better now that I have had a good rant and spoken to someone else about this situation , it's nice to have other people's opinions. Unfortunately I doubt very much whether this is the last time she will do this. And yes you're right he is a great dad. Thanks again for your thoughts and I will keep you updated as to what happens. I've just finished work and am now having a well deserved glass of wine. Thanks again. Mum of Abby

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