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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help me establish good relationship 'rules' with my parents

7 replies

Dontunderstand01 · 22/05/2015 19:39

I will try to be brief but also not drip feed...I moved away home over 10 years ago. I visit my parents (who are fit, well, wealthy and mobile) at least 4 times a year, sometimes for a weekend, sometimes a week. They recently moved nearer to my Dsis and her kids, in a very expensive part of the uk which we could never afford to live in. I call dm 3 or 4 times per week, text most days. She looos sfter Dsis children for one or two days per week whilst dsis works. Dm is retired, ddad still works.
I often hear from my dm how much she misses me, my son, I often end up feelibg really guilty that I dont see them. But, they don't visit me often, once a year usually for one night. I asked them to visit this half term but they said there was 'no point' as I am going to them in june.
I want to help establish what in my mind are good boundaries/rules to live by, so I can reassure myself I am trying to see them and help them see ds, but also not running myself ragged trying to please them...
we live about 4 hours drive away, have a 1 yr old baby, I work 3 days per week, husband fulltime term time. I think: calling 2/3 times per week, texting several days a week, sending picsof ds regularly, and visiting once every three months as minimum, always either at christmas or just before.
Is this 'good daughter' material , or would you expect more? If I was your dd what would you want/expect? I hope this makes sense... I am feeling a bit frazzled.

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 22/05/2015 19:40

I think you are doing more than enough!

PandaMummyofOne · 22/05/2015 19:44

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to your question IYSWIM but I do also thing it works both way.

You obviously love your parents and want your DS to have a relationship with them and they sound like that's what they want. But they need to help you with it and perhaps make a little more effort to take the pressure of you alone.

I know how you feel. You're not alone in this situation. I just hope other posters can give you more advice than I can.

pocketsaviour · 22/05/2015 21:23

Feel free to come and visit the Stately Homes thread where you'll be in the company of many others who will somehow never do enough in their parents eyes.

Slutbucket · 23/05/2015 08:30

What does your mum do to contact you and stay in touch?

Dontunderstand01 · 23/05/2015 08:35

Slut, not much. She visits once a year, but only stays onenight. She will tell me that her and dad have spent a week together decorating, looking after dsis children, which hurts. She rings but only if I haven't called her for a while.

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 23/05/2015 09:12

Do you think you could tell her you feel the balance is tipped unfairly in your sisters favour?

I think that is at the heart of the issue here

Slutbucket · 26/05/2015 21:45

It sounds because you moved away that you need to make the effort. Obviously your sister will get more support because she is nearer and didn't leave!Wink
If your mum is a reasonable sort could you tell her how you feel?

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