LTB?

[RedKite1985]

Long story cut short (well i'll try).

I am 28 and a gay female and have been in a relationship with a 21 year old for about a year and a half. We have had our ups and downs, she has previously been quite violent to me, nothing major - mainly pushing, shouting, blocking me in a room. That kind of thing. She is now seeing a counsellor about her anger and this has stopped.

She is a student and I am a full time professional. She recently moved in with me and well, she des nothing around the house. She may cook the occasional meal and do dishes now and again.

I do her Uni assignments for her sometimes to stop her getting so stressed, my stress area is cleanliness.

After work I come home and the house is a shit pit. The garden is a mess but I have no time to do it. I ended up having to pay someone because she wouldn't help out.

Now she is saying that we dont have enough sex, I told her I am too sstressed and the state of the house does not get me in the mood, it needs a proper spring clean.

When I asked her to help me clean she said "It's your fucking house".

I love her (sometimes I wonder why) but how do I get her to be more considerate and do some fucking cleaning

Why do people in very abusive relationships always say 'But that's not the good stuff'? If there wasn't abuse, then you wouldn't have to post on here in the first place, would you?

Oh she's taking the piss Op

Things will not get better sadly

How much abuse is acceptable in a 'loving' relationship? Zero, nil, zilch, nada.
The fact that you may have nice times together does not make up for the bad stuff IMO.

I know, it's just that I know this is proper love

No way is this "proper love". It's infatuation on your part and finding a meal ticket on hers. Sorry to be brutal OP but the sooner you are out of this the better imo.

The violence alone is bad enough - the rest is the cherry on the icing on the cake. I just don't understand when you say these are just the bad bits, there are good parts too. How on earth could any good bits negate these bad ones? Why on earth would you stay in this relationship?

And yep, as a fellow uni student, tell her to do her own bloody assignments. The rest of us have to manage it with work, parenting and all sorts of other shite. She only has to do uni and still gets stressed and can't manage to whizz a hoover round occasionally - you are having a laugh aren't you?

I'm only guessing from the snapshot you've given, but to me it sounds she's acting like a teenager testing boundaries with someone she sees as a parent figure.
Tell me if I'm way off the mark. You deserve better than someone who is violent towards you though, no matter how tough a time they've had.

She sounds like a user and you sound like you are fanny struck

come on, sort this out

she is far too young for you

I have an update for you.

My grandmother died last week and DP has said that she has decided to go back home to Brighton early instead of coming to the funeral with me. She then said the reason I dont want to have sex is because I have put on so much weight. She added that she doesn't want to go out with a woman who is a size 30 (I am a size 14-16!) No, the reason is because I am so tired all of the time. Why can't I end this?

Also, she said there was a girl back home who is obsessed with her and making up loads of stories about them sleeping together. I believed she was lying and trusted my partner.

Well we broke up a few weeks ago - I say broke up, we went on a break to give each other space and she went straight back home and fucked this girl, she admitted it to me. So the chances are she slept with her the first time and teh so called made up stories by this "crazy" person were probably true

I'm so sorry Red, you've put so much into this relationship and got nothing back.

Please end it now, and find someone else who values you. Your partner is too damaged to treat you as you deserve, and although she might recover and have happier relationships in the future, you can save yours as she has done so many unforgivable things.

You sound like a wonderful, considerate person, and there will be a woman out there who will cherish you as you deserve

sorry about your Grandmother.

Please don't take your GF back - she is treating you like a fool as well as being abusive. You deserve so much more than this.

Sorry, that should have read 'you can't save yours after how she has treated you'.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother too and any partner who cannot be bothered to support you at the funeral is not worth it.

Really, do some spring cleaning - her stuff in a box in the front garden. I let my loved one get away with murder, but this is the pits