Shy man looking for advice

[LW77]

Hello,

I'm a man in my late 30s. I have never been in a relationship. I am very shy around women and have always had low self-esteem.

I would like to know what is the best way to go about meeting women? Can anyone offer advice?

I recommend this book to everyone as it helped my confidence a lot and I didn't find it condescending like some self help books. It's called intimate connections and is by David Burns, you can get it free on an app called scribd if you have a smartphone or tablet, otherwise it's about a fiver on Amazon. I can honestly say this book changed my life.

I wouldn't put your energy into meeting a woman yet, but into therapy to help you work on your self esteem. Good luck.

I'd try hobby groups where you can get to know women as friends around a shared interest. Pick something you're good at, interested in & is likely to attract women to. Stay well away from bar / club scenes!

Work on your self-esteem and become an interesting, well-rounded person. Travel, take up an interesting hobby, go to exhibitions, concerts, plays, join a cycling / photography / book club, attend local events, venture outside your comfort zone. You will get to meet loads of people including plenty of women and there won't be so many awkward silences as you will always have something to talk about. Much less forced and nerve-wracking than actual dates, too.

Also try to make some female friends and don't look at every woman as a potential date or limit your interaction with women to possible relationship candidates.

Try posting on a parenting dating website.

Nothing wrong with being a bit shy by the way. Personally I much prefer that to loud player types. Don't try to be someone you're not. Just work on that self-esteem. Quiet confidence is very attractive!

Fairenuff

I agree with taking up a hobby but please don't become a cycling bore. I've looked on dating sites and I'm put off by the chaps who have most of their photos if themselves in lycra on a bike.

My advice would be to learn swing dancing - it's exercise without being sporty, you are all learning together, there is no need for expensive equipment and there's a lot of opportunity for social nights with the same group you learn with as well as others.

I would like to know who is suggesting to all these shy middle aged alleged virgins that mn is the place to get hooked up or titillated?

Why would you post on a parenting site, op?

You and the rest of the alleged virgin brotherhood?

It's like a pissing epidemic. There really must be some ad than mnhq are running 'sad? Lonely? Not getting any? Try mn after hours. We have thousands of warm supportive moist women to offer advice and more'.

Like Fairenuff said. Try a dating site. And counselling if you are crippled by either your self esteem or anxiety.

It's amazing how many of these terribly shy virgins can have quite involved discussions about sex, once they get a few bites, really.

With all due apologies if you are the one and only genuine virgin to pop by, natch. But I've got to go and feed my herd of flying pigs just now. Make yourself at home with the rest of the parents, do.

Work on raising your self esteem. If you have 'issues' to resolve/baggage to unload, check out EFT - lots of info on the net and self-help videos on youtube.

Stay away from online dating sites and look out for local events in your area where there'll be a mix of people - don't specifically go looking for women, chat to anyone/everyone and begin to build a varied social circle. Remember that the majority of older people have younger relatives.

Is there a pub near you that acts as the hub of the community with quiz/darts/pool nights or other events for charity. Take a book with you and prop up the bar - you may have go a couple of times to get your face known, but you'll soon get chatting and become one of the regulars.

Look to see if meetup have regular events/evenings in your area. Join a walking club, sign up for a ghosthunting night, book yourself on a mystery coach tour, sign up for evening classes - learn how to throw pots (satisfyingly therapeutic), cook to impress, another language etc.

Fancy yourself as an archer, fencer, table tennis player, scuba diver? Whatever you've secretly longed to do - make it happen!

Needless to say, pay attention to personal grooming and present yourself as a 'together guy' - keep up with current affairs and don't pour out the story of your life to all and sundry.

Have I just squandered 10 minutes for nothing, mad?

goddess maybe there is an epidemic of infiltrators but it may be genuine?
After all the only way I stumbled across MN was looking for relationship advice. Nothing to do with parenting. So face value n all that.
Also the OP doesn't seem that risqué to me!

Join clubs. But whatever you do don't do it with the sole intent of meeting women. Do it with the intent of expanding your interests and meeting friends. Things will go from there.
I'd also ask someone you trust to be dead honest with you - is there anything you inadvertently do that might come across as being a bit off or odd? Shyness in itself isn't an off putting factor for me and it's not for most women I know either. I've dated a couple of lovely chaps so shy they could barely make eye contact at first!

Good luck, remember : go out and make friends first. You don't have to turn into a loud obnoxious git, just be yourself and meet a couple of people. It'll all go from there.

Thank you for the advice. I appreciated people taking the time to share their thoughts.