I am a needy person - help?

[hannah0030]

I am my default a needy person - it's part of my personality. I like attention, and seek it from partners at a high level. I know it's not desirable though, and I hate making my OH feel put upon. I love my OH, we are very well suited and we have a blast - but sometimes I do demand too much of his time and attention. I recognise this flaw in me - how can I get better?

"you know, he can work on controlling his own emotions, rather than pushing those feelings onto you instead"

This from goats really speaks to me - often at the end of a day he will say 'I'm feeling upset about what happened today - the level of contact made me feel pressured and I think you were being unreasonable' when really I don't really feel like I've done anything wrong by sending good natured texts or whatever. And thank you for your wise words too gralick - when I back off from contact, it does feel like I'm playing a game, and after a year of being together it shouldn't feel like that :s

And thank you dubby, having an agreed structure sounds like a good compromise, and then we can see how we feel about it and whether we do just fundamentally expect different things.

I think if you text every morning and evening in all fairness that's really quite a reasonable amount and I can understand why he feels a bit pressured if you're constantly texting through the day (though I also get that you want to bond more and more the longer its been since you've seen him).

I've been with DH 14 years and LD for most of that time. We text every morning/evening and have at least 3 other text conversations during the day. We also chat on email , have a telephone conversation at the end of the working day, and Skype in the evening. Every. Single. Day.

Neither one of us starts it more often than the other, and surprisingly we haven't run out of bollocks things to talk about yet.

I'm aware this isn't very helpful, but blimey we'd drive your OH insane!!

Ultimately though if you texting bits and Bob's through the day is rubbing him up the wrong way and leaving you feeling needy then as I said earlier the ball is in your court to pull back - its not game playing IMO it's you listening to your man.

ps seeing him once a month would not do it for me though I would need more