Advice on a relationship stalemate please ladies.. school choice vs everything else

[jockmurray6969]

Ok.. here's the gist

I'm in love with C (the name I'll use here)
We met last year, and things went great.

I was looking to buy a new place to live and that's where the it all went so badly wrong

Ok, here's the crux

I'm doing well, I'm in my early 40's and making 40-50k a year in a great job. C is a nurse. Struggling financially, and lives in a rented house in a not so nice part of town. (it's rough..)
C has a 10year old daugther. Who I love, and we get on great, she's been a single mum since 6months and only wants whats best for her daughter understandably, but does doing everything that her daughter wants equal whats best?

Now, C want's me to buy a house so the daughter can go to the school she wants to, no ifs no buts, still close to where she lives
School is ok, not outstanding, in an up and coming part of town. Still rough in my opinion.

I'm refusing point blank.
A- it's my money, as she can't get a mortgage (credit probs) and I feel I should have some say in where I live
B- houses in the area are ridiculously overpriced. I want a nice house, with a garden, garage and nice countryside. Which I can afford, but just not in the area for the school

other complication is my job has taken me abroad before and may do again, to a lovely part of France.. (big money, 4-5 year contract, house subidised, schooling paid for.. etc etc.)
But again, up pops the "she only wants to go to school x"

So my dreams options and possibilities seem irrelevant.
I grew up moving a few times, and to no detriment to my education, I did really well, have friends from school still.

Speaking as mothers.. is she mad? or why can't i get her to see we could all have a fab life somewhere else. Yes, new school maybe, but her daughter would soon settle and make new friends surely..should both her and I give up everything in life over a school and her school friends..
I only get one shot at life..and I see the two paths having very different outcomes

Help, as I fear I'll lose the woman I love, as we both seem entrenched in the opposite positions

What's wrong with the OP wanting what he wants? His GF has been clear about what she wants! But if the two don't meet in the middle (or meet at all) then this is going to be tough for them both. The French opportunity may come up or it may not but if the OP wants to maintain his flexibility then buying and moving in together is simply a non-starter. The immediate issue is whether the OP wants to live where his GF wants to and I'm sensing the answer is "no"

There have been a few threads recently where people want different things. There is no need for a compromise from either party. Just let it be, go to France and if the relationship is strong enough it will survive.

If I was in the OP's position I know that I would personally feel a little resentment if I gave up the French opportunity. And as a mother I can also see where his partner is coming from. Sometimes a school that is average on paper is still the best school for that individual child and they can't be expected to uproot their lives either.

Enjoy a long distance relationship for a couple of years, absence makes the heart grow fonder in some cases.

I also think that if she is a lone parent and in nursing, she is unlikely to want to give it all up and become a SAHM. Unless you've mooted having children together of course.
Btw- please try and speak to mother re school choice. You should never choose a school because of where friends are going! Should always be best school for child.

Your gf has responsibilities other than herself and you don't get to decide what's 'best'. It sounds like you have a future mapped out that totally fits your needs but not necessarily theirs. If your gf was posting here I'd be advising her not to give up her tenancy, not to relocate and definitely not to give up her job and become financially dependent.

It sounds like your lifestyle choices are incompatible and at this stage in your relationship your gf is prioritising the right person.

Does your girlfriend's DD have regular contact with her father?

There's no way I'd move abroad as a single parent because of DS's relationship with his father and their contact routine - wouldn't matter if it was a chance of a lifetime. It wouldn't be appropriate.

That aside, I think it's too early for you to be talking about living together.

What sort of credit problems OP? Financial incompetence is a big red flag to many people as ive learned on here.

I think ItsraininginBaltimore has it spot on.

It does all sound a bit much too soon.

Buy a house that suits you.

You should never choose a school because of where friends are going

Mmm, as someone who went to a very good secondary school that no-one else from my village went to, I beg to disagree.

Love ItsRainingInBaltimore's post.