Tomorrow is my last wedding anniversary....

[OohMrDarcy]

... What a strange feeling that is.

If you haven't seen previous threads, I discovered H's affair last year and kicked him out in September.... I spent the rest of the year moving, and reassuring the DC. This year has been challenging so far, the youngest - DS (5) has struggled to understand his emotions, and been lashing out when upset - we are working through it and getting there slowly,

in the meantime I've been filing for Divorce (which for what should have been a simple divorce has been a pain the bum - so far due to my errors)... anyway, the forms should be issued to H this week (possibly next tecnically, but the courts have had it a week already so will be soon)... .and today I have realised that tomorrow is my 7th wedding anniversary. It has thrown me a bit as I haven't really been able to make any time for myself to come to terms with everything.

Not sure what I have even started this thread for, its just a good place to let out thoughts I guess.

It must be sort of bitter-sweet. I still notice the date when it's Ex-H's and my anniversary, even though we've been divorced for many years and have both remarried - I remember the actual happy wedding day and have a little wistful moment, and then move swiftly on.

It sounds like you're doing bloody well - that date won't ever go away, but it will start to mean less and less.

Its weird, I wouldn't ever take him back, I am actually happy in my new home in myself (if that makes sense), and I don't feel lonely - even when alone.

But I haven't been able to process anything, I tried to have a conversation with him before christmas to get some closure, but his version of life was so deluded I had to give up. On the good side, it made it clear to me he had changed so much that I wouldn't want to be married to him anymore anyway - but I never did get closure around what he did, and the lies etc- though I guess few women ever do....

I just feel weird now, Half of me wants to send him an anniversary card saying all the things I need to say (so not a nice one!) and the other half thinks bugger it, get a glass of wine and some nice food and try and forget about it!

Its so strange thinking its my wedding anniversary, to a guy I am in the process of becoming not married to - does that even make sense?!

oh god I'm confusing myself now!

Anyway - I don't think I'm doing well, I'm just muddling along hoping it will get easier!

well it seems fate noticed I needed a distraction! About an hour after my last post here, I was posting in chat trying to decide whether to take DS to A&E!

I ended up awake all night (and until last night) in hospital with DS having xrays and blood tests and canulas - luckily its turned out nothing major, but they had to rule out the nasties.

So my 'anniversary' was spend in hospital with zero sleep, but a sore DS to distract me. We got home in the afternoon and I noticed the divorce fee had come out of my bank that day which is made me laugh at the time

I was in bed by 8.30 and am still shattered today - but at least that day is over!

Glad he is ok.

I think a letter that you write but never send could be a good move here.

How apt that you spent the day parenting your DS without your H there to support you. A metaphor for what your marriage has turned into. You are doing well working through this OP, noticing how you feel and acknowledging it without having to engage with H who wouldnt be any help.

I went through a similar scenario when my 25th anniversary arrived. I was half way through the divorce and wondered whether to send XH a card. On the day he rang and asked if I wanted to go out for a meal with him to celebrate a mainly happy marriage. He brought whisky and a rose! It was weirdly awkward but felt like a good way to end our relationship. I did wonder what his GF thought he was up to, as he was still trying to persuade me to try again at that point. But one of the reasons I had left was horror at the thought of the Silver Wedding party I was expected to organise that would have been a total fake occasion.

To be fair to H - he stayed at my house so that DD could sleep and took her to school in the morning for me, then turned up at the hospital bringing a change of clothes for DS - and a latte and muffun for me. He didn't stop long as went on to work, but I do need to give credit where its due - he also picked DD up from school, fed her and took her to brownies then brought her home for me as though we were home - we were too tired to function!

I think I will write the letter, then burn it or something so I don't post it