I'm in danger of being just as horrible an old witch as my SIL

[Moomin]

My SIL haven't got on now for years. She's a very peculiar and spoilt princess who has gone out her way to be obstructive towards me. She is married to dh's brother. They have 2 boys and she's always wanted a girl. When I got pregnant and found out it was a girl she started being 'funny' with me (I kid you not). It did not go unnoticed in the family but everyone always makes big concessions for her as she's not from this country, her family are all still abroad, she never sees her mum, etc etc and I appreciate it must have been hard to begin with, esp as she spoke no english at all when she came over after marrying BIL, but it's been 9 years now and I'm sick of her being able to be a bitch and get away with it.

Things got much worse when I got preg for a second time, esp as we found out it was another girl. By now she cut off all communication; she wouldn't stay in the parents in law's house if she knew me and dh were coming up; she puts the phone down on dh when he phones his brother, etc. We get on well with their kids and we see them when they are at their grandparents. Funnily enough she also really dotes on dd1 when dd1 has been with MIL and met up with SIL.

I was hospitalised at the end of my pregnancy with dd2 with a fairly serious condition but she never once even asked after me via BIL or MIL (something I know I would have done if the roles were reversed). Not only that but she never even acknowledged dd2's existence when she was born!! She has NEVER asked after her, not sent a card, nothing. BIL bought dd2's 1st b'day present as SIL refused to.

I bumped into MIL and SIL over the summer and MIL forced us into going for a coffee and that was the 1st time SIL had even seen dd2. She made quite a fuss of her, despite herself, so that shows me that she's cutting her nose off to spite her face.

Anyway, now SIL is pregnant again, quite by accident. BIL is not happy as it's unplanned but she's delighted. She's due in January. From the last scan it seems the baby is a girl. MIL is very excited at prospect of another grandchild and making a huge fuss of SIL, and tells me all about SIL's health and welfare at every opportunity. and do you know what? I should be bigger than this but I just want to scream 'SO fucking what?????!!!!' she didn't give a shit when my little girl was born or when we were in hospital. She's been absolutely vile IMO. and i really can't get past the way I feel I'm afraid. I should be happy that there's going to be another little life in the world and it's not her baby's fault all this has happened but what about my baby?

Sorry this is so long. I feel so childish having thoughts like this. I just know I'll say something horrible in front of MIL if I'm not careful next time SIL and her impending birth is mentioned and that's not fair on MIL either, she's depserate for things to be better.
ARGGGGGGHHHHH! I'm no better than SIL

I completely understand why you feel the way you feel, and if I were in your position I think I would feel the same. However I hope that now you've got it off your chest to us mnetters you can do what you say and be big enough to rise above it all and take an interest in her child. At least that way you can feel smug knowing you are a far more giving person than she is. It sounds like your BIL knows that she has been wrong in her treatment of your dd's as he bought the birthday present. I also expect that your MIL realises the situation but is worried that if she falls foul of your SIL she may not get to see her grandchildren. Hope all goes well for you in the future.

No you are better than SIL because you are self aware. You know what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. It is unlikely that you will say anything petty or nasty because that would be petty and nasty. And you are not like your SIL so you will welcome and love your new niece because that is the decent thing to do

You are better, because you are ranting on here, not in front of the in laws. And I bet you'll be nice to the baby when it actually exists - it's different when it's still a potential baby.

I do rant through: I rant to dh (who is in complete agreement about it all) and occasionally I have my say to MIL, and I try my best not to be 'outwardly' hoorible; I try to articulate my views in a reasonable way and find some logic to it all. But I feel sooo bitter towards her and I know I'm being stubborn because I can't just shrug it off, know I'm the 'better' person and accept things. FIL and BIL have said to me and dh about it in the past 'well I'm sure Moomin knows she's the grown up one here and she'll so the right thing.' But I don't want to be the grown-up! She brings out the absolute worst and most childish in me because of the way she behaves and the things she's done.

There's truth in the idea that MIL and FIL are frightened she'll pack up and take the kids with her back to her own country - she and BIL have what you might call a 'feisty' relationship. They have days on end not speaking sometimes (nice for the kids)

I feel like the best I can offer is that we will send a card and present when the baby's born and see the baby if she's at the inlaws' . I can't (or won't) bring myself to agree to visit their house at the moment. Every time I feel a bit more 'grown-up' and reasonable, I think of how she ignored dd2 for much of the 1st year of her life (and since that meeting in the summer too) and it makes my blood boil

Dont blame you. I wouldnt make the effort either.