Can't work this out... money a real reason, or just cant be arsed?

[whatisup98]

I can't work this out.

DP is working away, abroad. Will be back in 5 months. We arranged to see each other in 4 weeks time - I would go there.

We already have a trip booked in 3 months time where we will do a bit of travel. This has cost quite a bit already as we have already paid for the flights.

I asked DP at the weekend about booking my trip for 4 weeks time, he was all for it, albeit a bit concerned about money. There was no mention of me not visiting.

Today he tells me that he doesnt think I should come because of the cost. I have told him we could travel to less places in aug in order to compensate for this. He says no. I said we could pay for it by borrowing money from my dad untl we are paid..he says no.

What do I make of this? If this trip does not go ahead, that will be over 3 months apart, when we alwasy planned to have this visit.

I am confused, upset, hurt..don't know what to think!

Thoughts?

Thank you.

Together 3 years. Never done this before so long distance. Finances - we both have savings so anything is possible in terms of being able to book a flight, though DP is generally a bit weird about money.

Are you the poster whose partner decided to work abroad again despite him promising you he wouldn't? Honestly you are driving yourself crazy with this. I feel for you.

This latest episode shows he really does not view the relationship as important as you do.

No, this was a trip that was planned for a long time whatamayday

I'd also take that as meaning he's not fussed for seeing you.

If you each have savings I don't see why money is an issue. Surely you just book the flight and then stay wherever your DP is living so fairly low cost once you are there? How long would you go for in 4 weeks? If just a weekend maybe I can see why saving that money towards a longer trip might appeal but then, if just a weekend would also presume your DP is not so far away that flights would be mega expensive?

So I think I'd tell your DP that you are hurt and confused and don't think money is the real reason for hesitation over this trip so please can he expand further?

Why is it his decision? Is it his money?

Could it be that he'll be working all hours and you won't get to see each other anyway?

I would be going for over a week. I have said just stay with him to cut cost...he said it wouldn't make much of a difference as the cost of flights is the most expensive (true).

I have just spoken with him. He seems genuinely concerned about the money. I said I would use my money to pay for it with some help from dad (!!), and he agreed that would be good.

Now I cant get it out of my head that he would rather save money than see me :(

This would bother me a lot, and to answer your question, I'd suspect 'not arsed'.
So you'll see each other in 3 months if you don't go this time? When did you last see each other?
I'm still not understanding why he's bothered about the money, unless it's his money?

I would think he has someone else out there and does not want you to come and mix it all up.

H'es not as bothered now it's not his money. He paid for the other flight in 3 months time, which was quite expensive.

I'm not sure what to think.

If you've not been apart for that period of time he probably has no idea how difficult it really will be to be apart for that period of time. But the money is very real for him.

Don't get too upset over it. Just book it, and hopefully he will realise that actually, it IS a long time, and he's really glad you're coming over.