returned to ex but not sure if it was right decision

[barkingmad1]

i am looking for advice for anyone who got back with an ex.

I ended it with ex as didn't feel appreciated and taken for granted, i also felt that he was feeling the relationship was becoming serious in that after years together he felt i was expecting a commitment and that he seemed he wasn't ready.
i went n/c with him which hurt and after a week he contacted me saying he was utterly miserable without me and missed me terribly. i felt the same. we talked and agreed that we were meant to be together.
however since this talk by phone, i haven't seen him, due to meet at weekend, he has been v cold with me and i almost feel like he doesn't want the relationship at all. it was panic at being alone. I'm due to see him at weekend and knowit will be easier to judge then but at the moment i feel i was dragged back but he doesn't seem that thrilled now. Even though he contacted me. He's starting to throw back comments i made to him at break up stage.
has anyone experienced this at all. I'm very confused by it all now.

To be honest it sounds like he wanted to reel you back in so he could break up with you.

He hardly seems overwhelmed by joy at getting back together with you, if he's already on to the recriminations about the breakup. I think your gut is telling you this thing is over.

I don't think I really get why you broke up last time. You thought he thought that you thought it was time for the relationship to be more serious? And one of you thought (I can't work out which) that he wasn't ready for that. So did you want the relationship to be more serious? Did he?

It's rarely a good idea.

maybe he just doesnt like the lack of control? you say you left as you felt unappreciated. has that changed? if not, then stay away

It is natural to miss someone when a relationship breaks down. It doesn't mean it is right for you to be together. The same issues that broke you up will still be there.

I think you are right, always go on someone's actions, words are cheap.

I broke up with an ex, he gave me the lines of how muchhe missed me etc, got back together for a month then he left me for someone else.

Trust your gut

Never go back, you are exes for a reason. As many others have, I learnt the hard way. It's heartbreaking but it's a fact that healthy relationships should only ever move forward, not two steps back and repeat.

'You are exes for a reason' - absolutely agree. Over the space of 3 turbulent years, I broke up with and went back to my ex twice - first time I ended things, it was because I didn't feel he was giving enough commitment (took him months to even admit I was his girlfriend!) Went back because I thought I'd missed him. Second time, dumped him for similar reasons, spent almost a year apart but kept going back to sleep with him, then after a few bad dates with other men, decided it was a case of better the devil you know. Eventually ended it for good a year later and a month after that, met the man who is now my DH.

I kept going back because I was scared to be by myself and had somehow convinced myself I was in the last chance saloon for relationships (I was 31, doh!) He was a challenge I couldn't resist and I wanted him to love me. When he eventually did produce the L word, I realised I didn't love him and probably never had.

I didn't behave well in this situation either. Yes, he wasn't treating me well but that's no justification, and I did mess him around. Whilst I try not to have regrets, I do wish I'd been braver and not been afraid to end things cleanly the first time round. What your ex is doing sounds like what mine did the second time I went back - they should be welcoming us with open warms and really making an effort to change - but with mine it was business as usual within a week of us getting back together. I remember meeting up with a good friend for a drink shortly after my ex and I got back together. As she asked what had changed in our relationship (reasonably enough assuming he had changed for me to go back to him) I realised that I was lying to her, because the truth was...nothing had changed but I just couldn't admit it.

I know it is hard but walk away now before you get too hurt. The right man is out there and this isn't him. And you won't meet the right man if you are preoccupied with your ex - trust me on this one!

Good luck.