No friends :-(

[MadHouse5]

My first post actual post on MN (sorry it's a depressing bloody one). As the title says really, moved to a new area about 10 months ago as DH is in the forces. Kids have settled well in their new school/nursery. I have a new job I enjoy, lots of lovely work colleagues but no real friends. I have really tried making an effort; joined a sports team. I am not very good at said sport (or any sport at all actually - I'm one if those people who fall over just walking in a straight line!), though thought it would be a good way to make friends and whilst the girls are nice enough I think they are a bit fed up with how rubbish I am (not me being paranoid either, eye rolls, tutting etc. are a pretty good indication).

As I work full time I don't do the school run so don't get a chance to meet any mums or to do any kind of toddler groups. As I said before work colleagues are lovely and I have gone for a drink previously with a big group of them, but logistically it was a bit of a nightmare as they all live so far away, financially it's not great too as the taxi home was eye-wateringly expensive.

At the last place I was a SAHM so had plenty of friends from groups etc, I'm finding it so bloody difficult having no one to chat to, enjoy a wine with, anything really, it certainly doesn't help DH is away with work a lot so I'm on my own as my family are also a couple hundred miles away. I just feel sad that at 30 I'm watching other people have fun -FB is a killer for this, seeing everyone go out with friends etc. I am very happy in my family life but have always been a sociable person and it's really getting me down having no-one to be sociable with apart from a 3 and 7 year old and DH when and if he's home.

I have tried making friends with my neighbour, asked her if she would like to meet up for coffee etc, she makes the right noises but that's it.

Sorry for the long, boring essay. I don't know what I'm asking really, has anyone else been in the same boat and managed to make friends, if so how?! I'm quite confident, certainly not shy, I like to think and hope that I'm a nice person, DH says I'm fun to be around (well he would for an easy life) but I'm obviously doing something wrong and it's making me feel so sad :-(

I doubt you are doing anything wrong- people (well girls) are just so bloody stuck up and boring a lot of the time.

Where abouts are you? Im sure local MN on here would be happy to meet up! X

I moved a lot and find it takes a while to find friends. At least a year or so. I found it helped to let people know that you are looking for new friends. It sounds a bit needy but it worked well for me.
Do your kids do any activities on Saturdays where you could chat to other parents

Thank you both for your replies. I am in Herefordshire. The kids do swimming on a Saturday morning but as it's at 7.30am everyone is half asleep. However I am hoping to get my little boy into a local football club when he turns 4 so that's certainly a thought.

I moved about 8 years ago. It took me a while to make good friends, at least a year or more. The school gates were never great for me, i just didn't fit in.

Work, neighbours, the usual. But, i made some shit friends in the early days because i was so desperate for company. I struggled to get rid of some of the shit ones.

Where in the country are you?

X post.

I saw a group in the pub recently, a friendship group, for people looking to make friends. I thought it was a lovely idea.

Thanks cleanmyhouse, my DH and hometown friends keep saying give it a year or so too. That is a lovely idea for making friends, I have looked on meetup but the ones local to me were for technology. I'm better at sports than technology and that says a lot ;-)

Have you looked on the streetlife website. You pick which areas you are interested in.

Variety of posts like 'anyone know a plumber' type but I noticed some where I live asking if people are interested in going for walks and there were responses. Perhaps you ask if anyone is new to the area or single parents who would like to meet up.

As a previous post says also have a look on mumsnet local.

It is a bit difficult to make friends when you are working FT. But I would suggest to go to the park every weekend, I'm sure that eventually you will end up sitting regularly, on the same bench, with some one that has something in common with you (even if the only thing in common is having children of the same age!) and from that a friendship could follow.

Playdates are also good, I think I have made quite a bit of friends just having a quick cup of coffee with the other mum at pick up time, while the kids finish dinner.

Being on your own may also mean that you can't go out at night, but you can invite other people in for a coffee and cake / cheese and wine while the children are in bed.

Would you be able to get to any evening classes at all?

Madhouse5

waves I'm Hereford too

How old are your DC?

Two more suggestions

I tried bookclubs - they are quite chatty and friendly and it didn't seem to matter that I didn't read half the books because they were crappy

PTA- obviously it only works if the meetings are in the evening but it was easily the most effective way for me to make friends. I barely even hid the fact that my main reason I was there was because I wanted to make friends.

Might it be wor trying to contact a couple of other mums of your DC's friends who also work full time outside the home? I bet they'd like to be better networked into other parents too. You have a shared experience so a basis for suggesting a meet-up. My DSis meets other mums once a month in a local pub on a weekday evening.