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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My husband is only 38 but is already a Grumpy Old Man...

9 replies

anon31 · 09/11/2006 16:25

And I'm fed up of it all really. It's affecting our relationship because all we seem to do whenever we see one another now is have a download of how busy he is at work, who has pissed him off etc. He wakes up and starts moaning about how much he needs to do before he gets to work, goes to work and moans at his secretary then comes home and complains to me. I try really hard to be positive and chat through all the stuff he's got to say. I understand he's really busy and I completely appreciate how hard he works for the dc and me. I don't know what else to say. He actually seems to revel in the fact that our friends call him a Grumpy Old Man and loves telling everyone abot dd2's song that she composed just for him entitled "You're grumpy, you're grumpy, you're grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. You're the grumpiest daddy in the whole wide world"
It is utterly draining - we have three children under 7 and the youngest is 9 months old. I'm tired too but I feel that going on and on about it rather than trying to do anything about it is pointless. It's got to the point where I don't feel that I can say anything else to him and I am trying to avoid talking to him because it really brings me down. I'm recovering from PND and am very conscious that I need to try and stay positive about my life (and there is so much to be thankful for) so I find dealing with his pessimism very difficult. I'm worried that this is going to be very poisonous for our relationship.
Anyway, it came to a head at lunchtime. We were chatting about stuff and all of a sudden he launched into a big whinge about how untidy the house is. It's as though he was looking for something to moan about and I just lost it and told him I was fed up of his downbeat attitude and couln't hack it anymore. He was a bit shocked and rang me up later to say that we were going to sit down and "sort it all out" tonight.
I love him dearly, but I cannot live with Victor Meldrew. We're not having any fun together anymore. BTW, he is not depressed - I know what depression is like. He is like having an episode of Grumpy Old Men on in my living room 24/7.
What do I say to him tonight?

OP posts:
northerner · 09/11/2006 16:27

Oh my dh was like this recently but I gave him a good kick up the arse (and more sex) and things have improved.

If you don't tell him he doesn't know. I feel for you though, it's not nice living with a grumpy bastard. I used to say to dh that ds and I had such good times together, then he'd turn up with a great black cloud above his head and ruin the mood.

My Gran told me about the sex thing though years ago. More sex makes them happier in themselves and they are nicer to you. It's true.

FoghornLeghorn · 09/11/2006 16:28

My husband is 23 at the weekend and I'm starting to think he is a grumpy old man already too. Right miserable sod he's been lately, anyone would think it was him who was 9 months pregnant, looking after a 2.4 year old all day, househunting and car hunting

FoghornLeghorn · 09/11/2006 16:33

Sorry that was no help to you whatsoever was it

expatinscotland · 09/11/2006 16:35

I'm a grumpy old man myself.

Wintersun · 09/11/2006 16:44

You should be totally frank with him and let him know that his moaning is getting you down.
People like that often need to remind themselves of their blessings.
Ask him what he is thankful for and remind him that he is blessed to have a lovely home/family/job/life and to stop whingeing about the small stuff.

lovingbarney · 09/11/2006 16:48

I tell you what and they say women moan!!! mine is the same and it really cheese's you off more. we all could give in and be grumpy couldn't we.

going to try the sex solution see if it helps will let you know how it goes or if it works.

men are so so from mars!!! lol to you and just say every time you say something grumpy or are going to just grab me for a big snog I know sounds ridiculous but that's what i am going to do .

anon31 · 09/11/2006 17:36

Thanks for the support everyone.
Northerner, he gets plenty of sex (of course, he moans that he doesn't) and tbh, I don't actually find the wingeing a particular turn on!!
Does make me laugh (in a kind of hollow way) that the answer to Men Moaning is to service them regularly. Can you imagine it occuring to any bloke that an effective way to stop women moaning would be to clean the loo or run a hoover round the living room?

OP posts:
edam · 09/11/2006 17:52

I'm with you anon. Seems the wrong way round, somehow, that you reward them for being draining and selfish. Prefer the kick up the arse approach!

lovingbarney · 09/11/2006 22:43

jeeper's not rewarding them just shuting them up with a snog instead of moan. totally thinking of myself here.

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