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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up with workaholic husband

2 replies

Moominmarvellous · 17/05/2015 21:58

So so fed up this week. DH is self employed and I'm so sick of his work ruling our lives.

He never helps me with childcare if I need it for my own work - I rely on his Mum & my friends if I need back up. It pisses me off to even ask him as I can't bear all the Oohing and ahhing and head scratching about how he'll fit it in. However if there was a concert he was going to or a lads thing, this would be arranged in the blink of an eye.

We can't go on a proper holiday because he can't/doesn't want to take time off work. And what I can get him to agree to (4 days camping a year so just 2 days off work) is met with days of what he needs to catch up on, or if we discuss a longer holiday, how much money we'd lose by him not being at work.

I know sometimes it's practical, that's fine, but there are ways around it. We can plan to save to make up for days or I can do more days at work to cover the shortfall - it just seems that the desire isn't there on his side.

I'm finding myself feeling so distant from him, spending more time with just me and the kids or on my phone so that's not helping, but I just cannot be bothered to have this conversation again. We have it at least once a year and I feel like I shouldn't have to remind him to be part of our family - he should want to.

On my drive home from another family occasion without him today I was calculating how long I think we might last if things carry on like this.

OP posts:
FriendofBill · 17/05/2015 22:51

You say he manages to get his own 'nights out' alright.
Can you leave him with the DC and have your own nights out?
What is money like?
Can you insist on a childminder and date night?
If he is a true workaholic then he might need professional help. The fact that he sees his friends makes me think he might not be.

whatisforteamum · 18/05/2015 09:28

I can see how hard this is as ive been there on both sides.Firstly we barely took time off when dcs were small as i didnt get paid if i was off.Secondly i have used work to avoid going on hols when the relationship hasnt been too good and he has taken them away so 3 people have enjoyed themselves.Is he distant generally or is this just about keeping work and money going in tough economic times.

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