Husbands affair while pregnant

[Hazel19]

I've got no one to talk to but I need to put this somewhere,

My husband of 5 years, partner of 9, father of our 2 year old and unborn baby girl has told me tonight he has been having a affair for over 4 months. He walked out on us last week after I found pictures on his iPad of a woman who he insisted was no one and nothing happened but he had to leave the marriage as he wasn't happy. He finally told me the truth tonight and says he loves her.
We only moved into a larger family home with a massive mortgage 5 weeks ago, it needs a lot of modernising and I'm currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor whilst he was decorating the bedroom. I'm 33 weeks pregnant. How could any man do this? Im devastated, but sadly not surprised as he has cheated before. I feel such a fool :(

You poor love, a newborn and a toddler is so hard to cope with without this as well. Get all the practical help you can from
People who will support you.
Your husband is a total shxt. Tell him that if he can't stick to his promises regarding the kids then maybe that something you will need to sort out in the courts.
Stop being nice to him And making him feel as though he has choices.
You deserve better than this. My heart goes out to you. You will get through this. Stay strong.
Contact citizens advice or your health visitor for advice on what financial support you can access straight away.
Good luck OP

Hazel I'm sure everyone is still listening. Giant twat are the words that spring immediately to my mind. I hope he's providing for you all financially at the very least? x

Really sorry to read all that you are going through right now. Know you said your new house needs decorating but is there a way you can rent a room out to help towards the costs?have no idea where you live but figured you have so much whirring round your head that some ideas re finances might help. Congratulations on your new baby. Take all practical advice offered from those on here and q frankly start to think about just the 3 of you and let him see what a prick he is for losing you.

Firstly congratulations on your baby girl.
Secondly your husband cannot be considered a man on my opinion. Do not ever let him back in your life. You have to be strong for yourself and your kids.
If he's already not keeping promises with the kids tell him contact is to be arranged through the courts next time he breaks the arrangements.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, he is in human, literally one of the worst "people" I've heard about in a long time. I hope he is ashamed and ends up lonely.
At the end of the day you'll meet someone else one day, whenever that may be. And he will have to watch another man live with his kids whilst he is a doorstep dad.
Good luck with everything xxxxxx

Thank you everyone for your support, it helps so much.
The last two days have been bad, I couldn't sleep, can't eat, couldn't stop crying, so so angry & hurt.
He told me he couldn't have the children whilst I saw the friend as he had to be somewhere, very important. Then said ow mum was having a Tumor removed so he had to be with her, then I found out it was actually her birthday and she had booked a table for 2.30 and he had to be there. I have never felt so much disgust. He was supposed to take DS swimming Sunday morning but didn't turn up until 1pm, as he had been in bed with her all morning. When he got here I totally lost it, ranted & raved, shouted & swore at him (children in bed). Not proud of myself but went for a long walk after, weeded the garden and plenty more tears and I finally got some sleep last night. Woke up feeling much better and in control. I've bagged his shit up in bin liners, cleared out some stuff and cleaned upstairs so far this morning.
I'm just scared of when another bad day will come
He has said he will come and decorate tonight and get it finished this week, can't trust he will though.
Don't know what to do about contact, or finances.
He is at his sisters now, but he has agreed to pay the mortgage until I return to work next year, but there is also a loan that has another year left, in his name so between those (£1000) he cannot afford to rent his own place, and can't really have the children at his sisters all the time. I also do not want my newborn away from me for more than a few hours and she is breastfed. So feel a bit stuck in regards to him having them here.
I do not want to move out of this house, I have applied for tax credits and I'm hoping when I return to work I can afford it.
I met him when I was 20, I'm quite scared of facing life alone. Although not of getting stuff done as I know I can do it. Just being lonely and stuff.
I feel so fat & frumpy, still in maternity clothes, no confidence. Does it ever come back?

It will come back, even though he's done his best to ruin it.

You need to sort out proper access arrangements and stick to it. As he is so unreliable, I wouldn't mention it in advance to your toddler, in case he doesn't come.

Good luck, it sounds dreadful for you.

The confidence grows back as you start to organise your life. I can confirm that it also comes back with a real sense of self-certainty as you're in control of your life. Bad days will come, as will good days, other ways you'll just be living through the motions and some days you'll feel a real high.
His behaviour is not worthy of your tears. He is truly a despicable man. OW lying about her mother having a tumour removed shows you just how well suited they are to each other.
Wrt to him having to still be around, detach, detach, detach. Set your boundaries and don't be drawn into any emotional war with him. Keep things factual and brief.

Not if you keep letting him bAck in!

He ducks up every contact you agree, so don't give him the chance to mess your head up any longer.

1. the decorating stops. You are not in a position to cope with that kind of upheaval
2. contact with older child to be arranged through his family so you don't have to deal with it when he fucks up.
3. no contact with baby for the time being

It will be much easier once you h e got your head round the idea you are doing this by yourself.

I would be renting an affordable place myself in the near future so that he can deal with the consequences of getting the unaffordAble house himself.

You will not find your feet so easily if you remain beholden to this disrespectful and unreliable worm.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to protect yourself at this vulnerable time.

Hope you're doing ok today.

I'm ok I guess, feel down and lonely. Lots of tears. I asked him for some money so I could go out Saturday with my friends for a bit but wish I didn't as he moaned about him paying all the bills this month (he hasn't!) as my tax credits aren't sorted yet. How can they change so much

What a shit. I feel so angry for you. Just take little steps & you'll get there.

If you feel you can, please speak to your health visitor & let her know how you are feeling. Some are really good & can offer great support at times like this.

He is a total shit. You deserve so much better. And one day you will feel just that - better and amazing. After giving birth I was very low about my appearance etc. give yourself time but believe me, you will lose the weight, pick yourself up and forget this stupid man. You will meet someone else. And he will most likely be sorry. The fucher. I hope they both rot

Hazel I'm so sorry.

It takes a long time to feel better so if you can accept time passing, then try to look it square in the eye.

Be bold and brave.

I never thought I could do it but I bloody well did and with bells on.

We're here for you

Well today I am feeling a lot better, can't believe I can actually say that.
I saw a friend last night and was able to speak out loud some of my thoughts and feelings and I felt calmer and almost cleansed after.
No tears today, no desire to cry.
He hasn't come to see the children today and I'm happy he hasn't. I'm not torn up by the fact he will be with ow tonight.
Right now I feel a small amount of positivity for the future, most definitely without him.
I'm going out tomorrow night, I've got a new black dress and I'm going to enjoy myself.
Thank you for the support so far xx

Enjoy your night out Hazel.

Hope you had a good night and feeling more positive.

Holy crap, what an utter arse! It´ll get better op, just keep moving forward.