He is acting as if it is business as usual

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I am not sure whether to start a new thread or resurrect my previous one, but just in case... this was my previous thread

We had an enormous blow up during the week during which time I told H all my concerns. He listened and apologised and I really think that he had no clue what he has been doing over the years. That in itself is of huge concern to me, I told him. If he realised what a nasty person he has been that would be more forgiveable tham him having no idea.

The following morning he talked about it looking like we were splitting up. Over the weekend he has done odd jobs around the house that normally i would have to ask him to do. Today he mentioned that he was going to do go back to the gym. There is no real conversation between us, no physical contact at all.

It seems to me, though, that he is clueless about me still wanting to leave. I cannot bring the subject up until I have sorted myself somewhere to live and I need to see a solicitor. DS has no clue.

Please just talk me through this if you can... I want out, H is ignoring the shit and I feel very alone. I have told a few nearest and dearest and I have unwavering support from them.

Get legal advice and do not under any circumstances leave the family home until you have found out your legal position.

Do you have children? If you are the main carer of your children, he will have to leave and not you.

Take your time and don't do anything you may later regret.

To be fair, it is business as usual (for him) until you follow through on your threat

Just keep on with your plans. He will have to face it soon enough. Unless you change your mind. In which case, him carrying on "as usual" will give him the result he wants.

Sorry, just noticed that you said you have a DS, how old is he?

DS is 9 and they adore each other to bits.

Yes, Anyfucker, I suppose it IS business as usual! I am close to tears all the time and I am upset and sad and angry, yet he seems fine. Maybe he isn't. I don't know and I don't actually want to know because I have had enough of years and years of verbal abuse from him. That's it. I have had enough.

Fortunately we rent so there is no concern about "family home": or is there?? these are the kinds of things I need to find out from a solicitor.

Write down all the reasons you're doing this. When you have a wobble you can refer to it and be encouraged you're doing the right thing for sure.

He is acting like business as usual because that's what he wants it to be. What you want, the conversation you had, do not matter to him.

He has made his choice, and that choice is: put no effort towards resolving any of the issues you have highlighted.

Time for you to make your choice, now.

Thanks, everyone. I must remember why I made my decision in the first place. My sister suggested counselling, but I am not even interested in that. I have been trying to keep things good for years but I have run out of steam.

Thank fuck for MN.

Plough your own furrow OP. Let him behave however he wants, try to get to the stage where you are past caring what he does or says. See the solicitor. You say that 'D'H and DC adore each other. So much the better. They can carry on doing so but in separate homes that is all. For your own mental state you need to forge ahead with what you want and be uninfluenced by him or anything else really.

He can still be a good dad to his son when he is not in a relationship with you.