How important is 1st wedding anniversary?

[Lasvegas]

Suspect DH and I are heading for big row after work so welcome objective views. Next month is our 1st wedding anniversary. The wedding itself was very small 'do' (for financial reasons) afternoon off work and 2 witnesses. I wanted to do something a bit special for our first anniversary to make up for the low key wedding I suppose. So planned a day and night away in a 4* hotel. DH just called to say that his friend's dad is having a 70th birthday party on our anniversary date. DH wants us to cancel our aniversary plans and ideally us both go the party or if I won't go (even if it wasn't our anniversary I wouldn't have gone) or DH go to the party alone. I am really hurt. Not bothered about the posh hotel just think DH should mark the date with me.

To be honest our first anniversary is the only one I ever really celebrated, but even for that DH wasn't overly enthusiastic. I just don't think men understand how important anniveraries and birthdays are to us.
I think it was off of him to think a mate's dad's 70th was more important thsn your anniversary (I take it he knew you had booked the hotel).
I'd put my foot down on this occasion.

Can see why you are upset. This certainly needs to be talked about with him.

I am a bit puzzled re your husband. Why exactly does your DH want to go to this man's 70th birthday party so much?. Has this man for instance helped your DH in the past, why does your DH feel more obligated to go to this party above your wedding anniversary celebrations?.

I would think your first wedding anniversary should take priority to be honest, his first loyalty should be to you his wife frankly and not his friend's dad.

Imafairy thanks for replying I need to vent this other wise I fear a big fall out. He claims that he forgot that I booked the hotel, but even if nothing was booked surely the 16th Dec should be a date reserved for us and not free to accept other invites. He does know it is our anniversary as we have 2 kids with December birthdays and we spent a long time deciding when their parties would be so as to ensure he was at home on the anniversary (he travels a lot).

I definitely think these things are more important to women than men.
I love to mark occasions like anniversaries and birthdays by at least going out for a nice meal but dh would rather sit at home!
We've been out so many times for an occasion where dh has sat there as miserable as anything with 'what? I came out didn't I?' attitude. Really spoils it.
Can you try and rebook for the following weekend?
I know its not the same but you could be in for a miserable time if he has to go against his will.

Attila - he had lunch today with his friend and pretty sure he has already accepted for both of us. He says friends dad gave him a summer job after A levels which basically made him ditch university and work in the city - hence this man is important to him.

wintersun - I know what you mean I knew the moment he called that even if we went away as planned it would be a loose - loose situation. His heart isn't in it. I have to accept that I am not first on his list of priorites which is hard but you cannot make someone put you first can you.

He probably just doesn't realise how important it is to you - I'm sure he's a lovely man (or you wouldn't have married him less than a year ago), so just sit down and tell him how you feel about it - without anticipating or planning a row. Maybe you can stay at a posh hotel after the party. Having a leisurely breakfast without DS was the best bit of our first wedding anniversary (which, FWIW I didn't really want to do anything about because it just reminded me how stressful and exhausting our very lowkey wedding was).

I can see your point I view anniversarys as a chance to reaffirm your love for one another and have been quite firm with my dh about celebrating it.

I think he's being unreasonable expecting you to go to this party. I'm sure that if the 70 yr old gentlemen knew then he wouldn't mind your dh missing his party.

I am upset about never being first (well 2nd after the kids) in his life. I am still waiting for him to take me away for my birthday 2.5 months ago, hotel cancelled twice once because of flight delays and again coz of work committments -but these reasons I find acceptable as beyond his control.

Look if you go into discussing this with him with a "you never put me first" attitude, you are just going to have a huge barney and nothing will get sorted. Separate the issues. If you are feeling low down his list of priorities find time to talk to him about it. Don't let your wedding anniversary become a flashpoint, or it will come back to haunt you both every time.

Mary good advice. Should I give in with good grace? If you love someone should their happiness be placed before your own?

californfrau do please tell all.

We didn't do anything for ours. Too skint and dh had the vomiting bug that was doing the rounds. I did buy him some flowers, but that was it!! Very personal as to how much it should be celebrated, I think.

LV - i don't think it's a matter of 'giving in', just talking in an open, honest and constructive way rather than going in all guns blazing iyswim.

fwiw, it was mine and dh's 1st anniversary a few weeks ago. I would have been really upset if he'd done what your dh has done. Dh got invited out on the evening of our anniversary but had the good sense to turn it down!

I think mm is right though.