How fat is too fat??

[theUrbanDryad]

someone was posting on here the other week about their dh/p calling them fat. it's stuck in my head because custy made the rather witty comeback "i can lose weight but you'll still be ugly."
my dh is 6 foot and weighs 17 stone. he has rather more than a bit of a gut. i'm trying to help him lose weight but i know i can be very insensitive sometimes, and custy's response stuck in my head because i would be devastated if he said that to me - but he would have every right to, really!
i do all the cooking because he goes out to work, so i try to make sure we have a healthy diet - eg, wholemeal bread, five a day etc. but he doesn't do a lot of exercise, and i know that the main reason for that is because he's too knackered after working all day to support us. i'm 7 months pg with our first baby so don't feel hugely energetic a lot of the time, but i try to get us out for walks at the weekend.
if anyone has any other suggestions for healthy weight loss i'd be really grateful. in every other way my dh is fab - he's supportive, kind, handsome and sexy and i don't find him unattractive because of his extra weight - i'm just concerned about health issues later on in life.
sorry - bit of a long ramble, this. thanks for reading if you've made it this far!

Hi,

Is there a way you could both have gym time together maybe at a gym that would offer you swimming or pregnancy yoga?

It is so hard to be motivated to exercise when you are tired after a full day's work but actually once you are in the habit (which only takes a few weeks) it can get rid of a lot of fatigue and stress from work and reenergise you.

Would he buy any of that? Exercise is the main ingredient he seems to be missing and he really has to want to do it. Maybe you could try and work in a couple of evening walks a week aswell and sell it to him on the basis that you aren't sleeping well and need to knacker yourself out before bed?

i thought about pregnancy yoga, but i was told by my mw that if i didn't already do yoga not to start. swimming at my local pool is nearly a tenner a go each time!

but evening walks are a good idea - i know what you mean about re-energising through exercise! thanks...x

theUrbanDryad - sex is a fun way to burn the cals and at 7 months gone take your chance while you can! Personally I like to play tennis which I can do locally. The things are to avoid computer, tv and car. Long walks with baby in pram are something to look forward to! My own dh lost weight by doing more walking, and he takes public transport to work so walking is part of his routine anyway.

That's a good idea! Is there anyway he can change his route to work so that he has to walk more of it instead of driving/ taking the bus/ tube etc.?

unfortunately he works 15 miles away, and taking the bus would work out a lot more expensive! i know he walks in his lunch hour...

i think part of it is that he moved up to my area (northampton) from where he lived before (surrey) and misses having green spaces to walk in. having said that, we live five minutes away from the park - but being the rural type he doesn't count that as a green space!

Cycling to work, on the other hand would be much cheaper!

However, I must admit that when my dh went out for a bike-ride when our ds was a fortnight old, he fell off the bike and broke his arm. Not conducive to much nappy-changing.

slight deviation here - your midwife said if you don't do yoga already not to start??? well yes, don't start doing ashtanga or LA style sweat yoga, but preggo yoga is specially designed for pregnant ladies and its very gentle, lots of breathing and building up core strength - don't be put off if you can find a proper class. though i don't think your oh would particulalry shed pounds through excercising his pelvic floor.

my dh lost a good couple of inches round the waist through cycling to work (not so much fun in winter), long walks with me and new baby in pram, and- mainly - gardening. is he into any of that?

I wouldnt worry about it too much for now - my DP put more weight on than me when I was pregnant! Wait until u had the baby and are ready to get back in shape and do it together - go on a healthy eating and exercise routine together so much easier

My ex husband was 9 stone and 5 foot 10 but I think men about that height can be up to 12 or 13 stone and it's okay. I do think weight above that level doesn't look good, particularly in trunks on a beach and I just don't like fatter men but I know people vary in their preferences. Waist is supposed to be a good measurement:
Waist measurement is a measurement which indicates the need for weight management and reflects coronary risk related to both overweight and a central fat distribution.

" * a healthy waist measurement (reflecting low coronary risk) is below 37 inches/94 cm for men and 32 inches/ 80 cm for women

• the greatest health risks are associated with waist measurements greater than 40 inches/102 cm for men and 35 inches/88 cm for women"

It's not so much size as fitness that matters. bearing in mind that we live in a hysterically fat-phobic society. If a person sits at a desk all day then on a sofa all evening it doesn't matter how little he/she eats, he/she won't be very fit - and if weight is being kept down by starvation or faddy diets, the person will be storing up even more health problems for the future.
Having said that, family walks are a great idea - kids love parks - and even just a romp in the garden or putting on some music and having a mass family prance-about-like-prats session is good for you all and fun, too..

Sorry if this sounds rude, but if he's that much overweight it must be at least partially due to what he's eating. Exercise, whilst good for you, doesn't actually burn that many calories.

What is he eating at lunchtime? Is it as healthy as the stuff you're cooking for him?

Can you look at cutting down the calories/fat/portion sizes of what you're cooking for him, or introducing stuff that's more satisfying in smaller portions?

In the UK we eat fewer calories (most of us) than we did 100 years ago but we expend way way fewer (no down on knee scrubbing floor, washing through mangles, labour in fields). It is quite heard to do enough regular exercise so sadly most people with a weight problem are more likely to solve it by a healthy diet with fewer calories than they use plus some exercise but exercise alone never works. Look at all those large people at gyms who have a perfunctory hour and then tuck in to the creamy coffee with cake which completely undoes any weight loss potential.

I think you need both - more regular exercise plus a sustainable long term diet with no junk food which is fewer calories than you lose. They found thinner people tend to move more too but that's probably innate - they don't sit still, drum their fingers, get up and down etc etc.

starrmum - he usually takes his lunch in with him, and it's just two slices of wholemeal bread with marmite or honey. sometimes ham if we have it! i mean, he could be sneakily eating cakes, but i don't think so...

i think part of the problem is that i've always been quite slim, no matter what i ate. before i got pregnant i used the tea and fags diet (great for quick weight loss) and lived on scrambled eggs and toast. but that was when i lived on my own, now i live with dh it's a bit different and of course i have the lo to think of...

family walks are a great idea - we're off to surrey this weekend so may drag him up to box hill for an energetic walk tomorrow!!

thanks for all your help everyone...much appreciated.