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Not working out

7 replies

Mini05 · 16/05/2015 22:08

partner and I have been together 13 years no kids to him mine is 25 at home still over say past 18 months he as changed so much!

He as now retired(60) and since this really he as decided himself he can do what he likes ie
Come and go morning/afternoon returning at meal times now not even mentioned where's his been if I ask what's it got to do with you, we never go anywhere together now for the last month(coffee,shops,walks) no sex for least 18 months, at first I wasn't bothered but over months I've joked and even tried to instigate it to be told it always comes down to sex or some sort with you(I do make jokes(nothing new)but he's made me feel I dare not even mention or joke now.moans when I suggest doing anything with the house.hes even done it now so we buy shopping between us ie if he goes I give him half of what he gets and vice versa.
This pisses me off(not normal for a family)even down to 40p

Things have become that bad we hardly see eye to eye, with lots of silent treatment (on both side) if I try to say anything about the way our relationship is going he say I'm not going to argue all night/weekend and that's it! He just ignores what I've said, unless I bring it up he would carry on like this!
Over the months/weeks I think he just wants a nice place to come back to and meal on table(that hurts)
So I've stopped doing his meals(felt he was taking the piss)

I'm sick of living like this and tried many times to get it back to what it was, letting things go by just to stop argument.

So this morning he mentions about car insurance, I said I've bigger things to be concerned about like this relationship with this I got you started it not speaking(which isn't true) this particular day after lunch, I went to put new plants out into garden, he goes and gets changed into cycling gear and says he's going for ride. Went at about 2pm and came back 4.45. Got changed and came out said do you want me to start putting garden tools away.
I hadn't finished so said No.( he expected me to tidy up then start the tea) He then went in had shower/shave, came down and said do you want your tea now(I was dirty) so said no. He then made his own(when I make it its for 3) I cleared up myself, had shower and came down.he then got changed and went out tennis club and came back at 10.30pm
With this he just completely ignored what I'd just said. He said there's no way your getting me out of here! I've got all the advice. I tried to say lets do this amicable no arguments, I'm not living in no bedsit! More crap total rubbish. After this he walks out as usual.

So back to square one!
It's got that I feel I can't mention relationship (ha) as it's the same thing every time. I want to get it sorted.

How do I get him to leave, when he wont go. I can't stand living like this, silence, food, meals it's a farse.

Thanks for getting this far

OP posts:
cafesociety · 16/05/2015 22:32

Sounds like you both hate living as you do. Living so unhappily will make one or both of you [very] unwell. Is it worth it?

If you can't agree to separate amicably [it's possible as I've done it]...and divide the proceeds fairly, then it will only implode one day.

The alternative is to lead separate lives, living how you want but without the petty arguing/bitching which sounds very wearing and tedious and toxic.

If you don't get counselling to sort out your problems then I can't see how this can be happily resolved. Bite the bullet and move out? You both sound utterly miserable.

flatbellyfella · 16/05/2015 22:33

Do you own your house between you both?

Cabrinha · 16/05/2015 22:44

Well it's obviously over, and it sounds awful. Who owns the house?

Mini05 · 16/05/2015 23:26

No it's not worth it! But what do I do when he refuses to do Anything takes me all the time to get an answer when I bring it up it's usually I'm not arguing.
I can't carry on like this, it makes me resent him for how he's carrying on.

We both own the house.

I can't get him to talk! I'm arguing which I'm not anymore as I've gone past trying to make it work he is so stubborn.

OP posts:
magoria · 17/05/2015 10:18

You can't make him go if you both own the house.

I would imagine with no dependents all you can do is start the ball rolling legally for one of you to buy the other out or force a sale.

cafesociety · 17/05/2015 10:32

As I understand it, as a married person you could bring a partition lawsuit if the other party refuses to sell. Costly and lengthy you would get your share when the property is sold. Voluntary sale will give you each more money.

But H sounds completely uncooperative and that of course will mean him getting less but that fact may motivate him to sell voluntarily.

Can you move somewhere temporarily, rent for a year or so, and get your identity, freedom and dignity back. Surely anything is better than your present situation. You are young enough to make a fresh start and enjoy life much more.

ratinkitchen · 17/05/2015 10:49

have you written about this before

Your child who is 25 does he contribute to the house ?

I would suggest getting legal advice

You are already living seperate lives, but how long can you continue in the same house ?

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