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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Posted this in behaviour and development but it's also about DH so maybe should be here?

2 replies

joelallie · 09/11/2006 13:29

What do I do about this - pleeeeaaase will someone tell me!!! There must be a magic solution. DS#1 and DD have been a bit niggly with each other since she was 3 and he was 5 but most of the time they are fine. Now that he is nearly 10 and she is 7 they are at each others' throats all the time - 3 big blow-ups between school and bedtime yesterday. DS#1 does take liberties but DD always takes the bait - over everything!! Neither of them will compromise. I deal with it (badly probably)it my own way but I usually end up saying something along the lines of 'can't you stop arguing over such petty things all the time!' Which prompts the reponse 'it's not petty - he/she did so and so'..... And it starts over again. But it calms down everntually. However when we got home last night DH is there and wades in instantly and comes over all heavy-handed (not literally) with DS#1 assuming that it's his fault - the whole thing escalates even more and we both get involved! This morning again - I was accused of favouring DS#1 and being too hard on DD (don't think I am but I do think DH overdoes it with DS#1). He goes upstairs to comfort DD who by now is hysterical. Comes downstairs and stomps out of the house without saying goodbye to anyone. I am feeling pretty rough atm as I've had a bug and I'm so tired and I simply don't have then enegy to argue with kids and play justice of the peace. I end up in tears. Boys come and give me a cuddle DS#1 says sorry, and DD 'forgives' me and we all go off to school happy (apart from me that is).

Will this stage pass soon? Its unbearable and Dh makes it worse. He doesn't seem to realise that I deal with it most of the day every day while he's only there for a few hours at most. Things are never black and white and often there isn't one child 100% to blame. I sometimes feel I'd do a better job on my own

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 09/11/2006 13:33

Poor you. Is it possible to keep out of it more, see them as arguments for the children to sort out in their own way, none of your business kind of attitude? Another thing I try is to smile or giggle and cuddle one of them and say isn't this silly as they tend to reflect your mood. Another thing just keeping them apart more to defuse things. Or you and DH spending time with each of them individually.

It's never easy. My older ones are virtually grown up now and don't argue so it is just a phase that passes.

notasheep · 09/11/2006 13:34

I think many men come over all heavy handed as they havent a clue themself how to deal with the situation,and think that if they are loud and stuff it will solve it!
Does sound like a passing thing to me,i have memories of big rages with my older brother.

hope this helps a bit

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