how do I boost my self esteem? fed up

[lonelymillie]

I was a shy child, bullied a fair bit about my weight etc and have always been a quiet person. I never had a boyfriend as a teenager. I'm now 25.

I have been having an affair for 4 years. not nice. he's the one with the girlfriend, I'm single. he finished it about 3 times but we always ended up back together because I'm too weak to say no. it has now ended properly and I'm heartbroken. I can't imagine ever meeting anyone like him again and I loved him so much despite the situation. he did say he was going to leave her for me not so long ago but now he says it's because he cares for me so much that it's best we leave it. I'm devastated even thought people on here will have no sympathy which I don't ask for.

prior to this I met a guy who was lovely from the start off. a close family friend too. he made it clear we would end up into a couple and we slept together etc. he then ditched me without no explanation and this has shook me too.

what is wrong with me? guys are never interested. I am more confident now. I have lost weight, I aren't a bad looking girl (without sounding a bit blah) but I honestly don't know what it is about me. I am too soft, hence the situation I've found myself in and I think I need to learn to love myself a bit more and have more respect.

I work full time. I take an interest in sports and exercise. I go out at weekends. I just don't know what to do.

Mojo back :)

Delete his number. Hard I know but just do it.

Delete any emails he has sent you. Delete his email address.

Unfriend him/block him on any social media.

You need space to heal and absolute no contact is the only way. Otherwise it's like picking at a scab.

When guys say that they are gonna leave "them" for you... they never do. That's just to keep you there. And guys ditching you after the one time... they got what they wanted then went. It's not you. They have the problem. And no respect for women.

Don't mean to sound like I'm getting at you, I'm really not, but flings wont give you confidence because you're getting attention. It happened to me a few times, thought it was great when it really wasn't in the long run. Try not to "seek approval" from men that act like that.

What gave me the confidence was finally meeting someone that actually respected me for who I am and "my baggage". I guess he picked me up from the shit'ead that lumped me while pregnant and got me out of my insecure habits.

I resisted texting and he messaged me last night to "see if I was ok". I told him I wasn't and he said I will never know how gutted he is and it will be with him forever. he made me feel worse.

Is he from another culture different from your own? Arranged marriage?

no, nothing like that at all. he said did i plan on never speaking to him again, and wjat would have happened if he didnt text me. i think he expected me to crack and text him but i didnt. he said it is worse as we both know how much we both loved each other. i dont understand why he is saying this, and why he messaged me, if he isnt going to leave her..

maybe he genuinely wanted to check i was okay as he knew i was very upset..but even so, he is a strong minded man and once he makes a decision then that is it. i fully beleive he will never see me again, therefore why txt me? we aren't children, we cant just continue to text. he knows how i feel.

Delete his contact number/address. It's over and it doesn't matter what he thinks any more.

However I know that is easier said than done when you have a broken heart and my sympathy goes out to you.

PS Some martial arts are quite like a meditation in movement. It might suit you better than you think, learning new skills and philosophies. Tai Chi is very peaceful and beautiful.

he was the one who ended it so why text me again? :( i cant get trapped back into this but ive got myself into a trap of looking at his whatsapp over and ove ragain to see if he has been online etc. he said he has worked all weekend (he never works weekends) in order to try and take his mind off things. the ball has always been in his court.

sister i will have a look thank you xx

So i backed down and texted him saying how much i miss him and hes read it but not replied...i think i need to delete his number and realise thats it now. he said this is going to kill him for the rest of his life, but he has every opportunity for me to be his :( i dont understand. how will he feel when i meet somebody else? its so hard. my heart feels like its sunk to the bottom of my stomach.