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Relationships

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Original poster

Being honest with new partner

12 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 15/05/2015 07:36

Been seeing someone for six weeks. Had several dates and nice visits to his house, takeaway, cooked for me. I really like him and he is a gentleman.
He asked to see me more (after spending quite a bit of the weekend with him). I really like my time to myself and felt a bit obliged to say that I'd stay over. After saying this it had been playing on my mind. Told him I didn't feel ready and like my space. So feel bad for changing my mind but felt I had to be really honest.
Does it sound like I am using him?

OP posts:

musicalendorphins2 · 15/05/2015 07:56

No, I think it is a good idea that he knows you like your space. Enjoy.

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 15/05/2015 08:01

Thank you musicalendorphins2

OP posts:

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 15/05/2015 08:06

Would just like to add-I text him telling him this and other stuff, he replied but he didn't comment on it. Don't think he's happy. Do I ask him to comment on it?

OP posts:

Heyho111 · 15/05/2015 08:08

I wouldn't as it may turn it into an issue when it wasn't one.
Go with the flow.

musicalendorphins2 · 15/05/2015 09:30

I wouldn't unless he brings it up, but if you do discuss it, being honest and open is best for both of you. I don't think it sounds like you are using him, but if you feel that way next time you see him bring him some home baked cookies or muffins or something along that line, just to show you were thinking of him?

cailindana · 15/05/2015 09:34

This part of the relationship is a negotiation and you are both vulnerable. He took a chance by asking to see you more, you said yes which reassured him, then you knocked him back and said you "want space." You are totally entitled to say that but be aware that this may have damaged the relationship as you are saying "actually I don't want to move forward in the same way you do, sorry." He might accept that and hope you will move forward in the future or he may feel that you've sent him a loud signal that you're not on the same page and struggle to come back from that.

If you do want this relationship to continue then it might be time to sit down and clear the air about where you're going.

Smorgasboard · 15/05/2015 09:44

There is a chance you may not see him again, but then you will know how much stock he put in you staying over. Think I would maybe have stuck to just the 'not being ready' line which sounds reasonable at this stage. 'I like my own space' never comes across well and is perhaps sharing more honesty than you need to?

niceupthedance · 15/05/2015 09:50

I would interpret "I like my space" as "I don't want a relationship" and act accordingly. Perhaps this is why he hasn't commented.

wannaBe · 15/05/2015 09:56

tbh I think "I like my own space," is something which needs to be talked about up-front, because to bring it into the equation later in the relationship creates the notion that you are backing off.

If someone posted here "been seeing a lovely guy for the past few weeks, we've been seeing quite a lot of each other, and were going to spend this weekend together. Now he's text me and said that he's not ready yet and actually prefers his own space," the consensus would be that "he's just not that into you," and to bin him.

Nothing wrong with needing your own space per se, but it is something which can be differently received depending on the individuals in a relationship, so is something which you do need to be honest about from the beginning.

loveareadingthanks · 15/05/2015 10:47

I think it's also how you phrase it.

I like my own space as well but I wouldn't put it that way to someone I'd just started seeing, as it's easily interpreted as 'not that interested in you/a relationship'.

I would put it as I like having a bit of time to myself to do my own thing, something like that.

ShaynePunim · 15/05/2015 11:05

Well done, honesty is best from the very start. But as other ppl have said, it's important to phrase it gently and sensitively. It's difficult to find the right tone sometimes but it's worth the effort. :)

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 15/05/2015 11:28

Thanks for all the comments. Thanks ShanePunim
I expressed I liked my own space and was very independent before we started dating (we were friends for a short time before) and we've talked about it since, and he's seemed fine.
Thing is I spent a lot of quality time with him previous to this and he was asking for more. Did feel it was a bit one sided on his part. I know, I shouldn't have agreed to staying over, but feel both should be comfortable and happy with things before moving forward.
The constant texts have been a bit over the top, but I haven't said anything.

OP posts:

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