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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online dating

42 replies

Lipgloss74 · 15/05/2015 07:08

Any success or horror stories?

OP posts:
Taytocrisps101 · 15/05/2015 21:20

Thanks helen that's a great idea! Still just thinking about it but got my profile sorted...will see how I feel after a couple of glasses of wine! whatyousee let us know how you get on!

Whatsforsupper · 15/05/2015 21:30

Tayto

Irish by any chance:)

Cabrinha · 15/05/2015 21:40

I haven't had a single dick-pic Confused (almost disappointed)

I've done match 3x, each time for about 2 weeks - I'm currently 2 weeks into my third stint.

First thing that struck me coming back to it after 18 months was just how many people are still on it (or possibly like me, on and then off). So the gene pool is actually smaller than you think, there's a whole load you rejected first time round!

My main irritation with it are how few men seem to be able /willing to carry a bloody conversation!
I almost always ignore "hi" and "how's your day" and "how are you finding it on here?" as an opener. It's soul destroying and pointless to send huge personalised messages that get no response, so I'm fine with a one liner. But is HAS to reference my profile in some way. Minimum effort!

On the rare occasion I've responded to a "how's it going?" approach, I've found conversation has stalled PDQ.

Each time, I have found myself thinking "well, maybe it's hard to converse with someone you don't know?", but then after a while, someone comes along who is on your wavelength and can string a sentence together! So my tip is - it's OK to be picky and wait for that person!

Cabrinha · 15/05/2015 21:48

Oh and agree with the PP who mentioned people just going silent.
I've been on the receiving end, but honestly, I've done it too. You have to grow a thick skin for it!

Thing is, in person the guy gets non verbal cues that you're losing interest, so you don't have to say. And also, it's easy to end an in person conversation that's going nowhere. If you're in a bar, you just say "I've got to be off, friend waiting" and everyone knows the score.

I feel bad when I leave someone hanging, just not answering a message when we've been chatting. It does feel rude. But I suppose I justify it by knowing it's the norm and I've been on the receiving end too. It just seems so hard to message someone to say "this conversation is pleasant but it's not capturing my attention". You can be the loveliest person but not someone's cup of tea, so I never tke it a character assassination when someone goes quiet Grin

travertine · 15/05/2015 21:53

I had a very short man crying in my bed. We kept in contact for about a year after. God knows why.

Cabrinha · 15/05/2015 21:54

Career as a Dom for you, Travertine? Grin

Taytocrisps101 · 15/05/2015 22:43

ha ha whatsfor best crisps ever! Not doing anything tonight....unexpected visit from my fwb??! I do agree that if someone can't be bothered to read your profile and find something interesting to say they are not likely to float my boat either...reckon I will be quite picky which is no bad thing. Going to have to develop a thick skin though....and hone my b*llshit radar!!

Taytocrisps101 · 15/05/2015 22:48

cabrinha if you feel you are missing out on "dick pics" have a look on Craig's list.....in my innocence I was having a look at men seeking women....dear god! If you are going to take a picture of your willy and post it on tinternet, at least take your pants and socks off and clear up the surrounding area....empty pizza boxes and an overflowing ashtray aren't exactly a turn on!!! Maybe I'm just overly fussy.......!

Whatsforsupper · 15/05/2015 22:51

Well. I don't think sending a short message is bad,per se. Whats the point in writing an essay when the chances are the person won't reply.

Most first messages I have received from women usually are quite short.

I agree, its not good form to read the persons profile.

AmIthatHot · 15/05/2015 22:59

I've tried it. Messaged some men and been blanked. No interest from anyone other than men over 60, and even then not much

To be honest it made my self esteem even lower.

HelenF350 · 15/05/2015 23:04

Two word messages are a nightmare. I used to have a look at the persons profile and ask a couple of questions about them at very least. That's what I expected from any guys contacting me too. Not an essay but at least some sort of proof that they'd bothered to read my profile. Grin

dublingirl653 · 15/05/2015 23:06

some nice guys online
met one decent one

dated one guy for a few weeks
He tried to strangle me one evening while watching a movie
Can not describe the horror!!!!

I stayed calm and drove him home (or else he would not go)
:(
clueless with guys sadly

Whatsforsupper · 15/05/2015 23:50

Dublin

I hope you reported him to the police.

I would not say that you are in anyway clueless. He does need reporting if only to stop him continuing the same shit. I hope you are okay.

Am

Its sadly a number game. It can be quite a ego bruiser to be rejected constantly, I say that as someone who's being rejected lots.I don't take it personally and move on very quickly.

I have too say I have met some fantastic women online.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 16/05/2015 10:42

Come over to the dating thread OP, it's a right giggle.

As for me, I've been using POF and Match for about 7 months now. Have had about 10 dates in that time and was seeing a guy for about 3 months but it fizzled out. Currently, I seem to have acquired a FWB which is pretty fun. He came over yesterday and we had some naughty fun Wink I quite like him but won't be bothered either way whether it stays as FWB or if things get a bit more serious.

discophile · 16/05/2015 10:50

travertine please could you tell us the story of the short man? (It is possible I have met the same one).

dublingirl653 · 16/05/2015 17:42

thank you whats for supper

will never need to see him ever again

he was v drunk when he did that

happy to move on as I would prefer if my family do not know

what a C**t tho :((

LucieMay88 · 16/05/2015 17:49

Online dating is...interesting.

I had one guy 20 years my senior send me a YouTube video full of BDSM images (naked women tied up etc) completely randomly

Another man scheduled a phone call 3 times, kept cancelling, phoned eventually and then never contacted me again

Another man I met up with was clearly in love with his twin brother's girlfriend Grin

Maybe I attract all the strange ones?! Confused

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