The male "mid-life crises" which seem to occur in our 40-ish year old DHs!

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

I have been reading a lot of threads about blokes of MNers who seem to go off the wall at around 40, have affairs, do out-of-character things and just generally do something (not necessarily an affair) that equates to distancing themselves from their kids/wives.

Even if I hadn't been reading the threads I would have come to the conclusion that this is something that a LOT of men do (again not necessarily an affair).. in fact, although I have never been one to generalise in a sexist way, the older I get the more I realise that there is SO definitely something in the whole Mars and Venus thing...

It seems to me that generally (not to be confused with "always without exception")..

Men lie much more easily than women

Men can very easily separate sex from love (even if they don't all act on it)

Men are generally more selfish than women

Can this be discussed? I am anxious to explore this!!

And apologies to male Mners who might be offended.. none intended, I am not talking about any specific men and you may well be one of the exceptions to the 'rule'.. I know they exist!

I agree with what you are saying but I beleive it is natural and harks back to when we were cave people.
can't possibly try and explain what I mean but I think EVERYONE should read women are from mars, Men are from venus.

there are some funny versions of this book but that one explains why men and women are sooo different and helpful ways to bridge the gap and live in harmony......ish

I though men were from Mars..

ooops big mistake, yes Men are from Mar, Women are from Venus sorry

we don't have time to have midlife crises

we're too busy blathering on about nothing

Cappucino, there is something in that.. I think part of the problem with men is that they don't offload like we do. Women, even when fairly socially isolated by circumstances, can find a way to chat and discuss things if they reall want to.. like MN...

DP often expresses ambitions that are based in pure fantasy IMO but I humour him.

One of my best mates had to go to counselling in order to be persuaded that he wanted to get married...he cited his reason for not wishing to get married yet as 'I've still got lots of things I want to do'. He was 40 at the time and is now happily married with a baby.

My Dad fractured his knee and for a long time afterwards he would list things he could no longer do like trekk across Africa or play tennis. He was 63 at the time and had never expressed a desire to do these things beforehand.

Anyway....in summary...men do appear to have two lives. The one they lead and the one they think they should be living in their James Bond world.

My dad never had a 'mid life' crisis. Nor has any man in my family that I've known or DH's family.

Sounds like a sad excuse to act like a child to me.

I think nowadays, some people analyse things and think too much, and that's necessarily a good thing.

The media has much to answer for in this respect.

Yes it is like childish behaviour, that's exactly it. I'm not sure they do it because they think it's expected of them though. Although I certianly NOT saying they can't help it..

And it's certianly not all men either I know that. Although it's possible that nobody but a partner would actually know it was occuring.

I agrre, my DH has been having a midlife crisis all year. To a large extent i've just humoured it - I certainly haven't time to have a mid life crisis myself. He's bought a v. expensive bike and got heavily back into cycling, talked about emigrating (gently talked him out of that one over a couple of months ) and is buying a sports car next year - tsk, just get on with blokes

"Men lie much more easily than women
Men can very easily separate sex from love (even if they don't all act on it)
Men are generally more selfish than women"

2 I'd agree with, but 1 and 3 are a HUUUUGE sexist generalisation!!

I would have agreed with you a few years ago UnquietDad, I used to get all on my high horse about 'people being individual people.. not being a certain way because of their gender'... but experience seems to be showing my a different picture. Obviously not basing this entire assumption on my bloke because that wouldn't be any kind of 'picture'.. and obviously would be nice to look back in a few years and think 'well I think I was wrong.. "most" men don't seem to fit that picture at all...'

i agree with you shinyhappypeople, my dp is always complaining that he doesn't have anyone to offload onto, i guess i'm not a great listener or maybe he wants to moan about me. i am worried about him at the mo though he needs other blokes to waffle on about football/comics/music. i think he needs a dadsnet

Every day, I am more and more grateful for my husband.

But are those lucky women who are disageeing merely married to the 'exceptions to the rule' I wonder?

'I am lucky but a lot of women wouldn't think I was lucky because they would judge DH solely in terms of earning potentuial and wouldn't touch him with a ten foot barge pole. '

Exactly, annie!

As my mother always says, 'Marry a man for money and you'll earn every penny.'

Well in that basis my DH wouldn't be valued at all as his earning potential has been nil for a decade due to his disability. And I do value him.. and love him.. and appreciate him.. he makes a fab contribution to our family (if mainly in the kithen! )

But I still have this persisting new belief in the 40 something Male MLC...

Agree with Anniemac that a lot of women have unrealistic expectations of their partners. There doesn't always have to be a quid pro quo on going out. I am happy for my dp to continue to do all the boys stuff that he did before we had a baby with the proviso that dd comes first and boys stuff comes second. Luckily he is mature enough to do this anyway.

It depends upon the 'type' of MLC! I don't havw a problem with my male of the species going out etc in fact I actively encourage it.. he is a chronic pain sufferer which can be very depression.

I do not appreciate deception though.

See, I think this whole MLC is an excuse to act like a tit, have no regard for others' feelings and is just basically a pile of bullshit.

I also thinks it comes from just being a selfish person, regardless of age, as Annie's example illustrates.

This gal had kids young and is now making them pay for the choices she made to have them young.

Regardless of age, that's just selfishness.

Not surprised you may have missed my point Anniemac, I am typing complete shite today.. typo city!

What I mean is, my personal experience is that DH, although a decent guy and a "best friend" to me in many ways as well as lover/father of my children etc has, in recent time resorted to childish/selfish.. and in some ways petty!..deception in a few ways, (an issue which we have addressed but which has left its mark) and which, when I look around at other people's relationships I seem to be able to see paralled in the behaviour of quite a few other men (to larger and lesser degrees).