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Relationships

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Original poster

Can I do FWB? Not sure

41 replies

Confusecom · 14/05/2015 16:48

I met a really nice guy online. We get on great but he doesn't want a relationship. He just wants to be FWB. It is good he has been honest with me but I am not sure I can do it. I don't want to let him go because we get on so well together. We have met once and there was a real physical attraction between us. We flirt most days and nights online, but then he goes quiet on me presumably because he is with other women. He asked me one day whether I got the picture he sent, I said no, he said I must have sent it to one of my other women. It seems to be so easy for him. I feel uncomfortable but then I am thinking maybe I should just enjoy it for what it is - just something physical when we get together

OP posts:

goddessofsmallthings · 14/05/2015 19:10

When I see 'FB' I think of fuckbollocks Facebook Sassy.

I can't speak for others but I most certainly have dates with my FWBs, Findingme, the last being to Covent Garden to see Anthony Dowell's Swan Lake on a weeknight followed by supper à deux and home alone - we went out to dinner and he came back to mine the following weekend

Mum4Fergus · 14/05/2015 19:11

I have 'dates' with my FWB,yes...daytime and nighttime. The friend part is equally as important as the benefits...

Original poster

Confusecom · 14/05/2015 19:13

I haven't slept with him. We met up for a day out. We kissed but didn't go any further. We enjoyed each other's company.

We both share a hobby. Planning to meet up again to do the hobby together with maybe a bit of kissing again.

I am quite lonely so probably a bit vulnerable too. I am thinking I maybe don't have sex with him but just enjoy a few kisses and cuddles

Noeuf I didn't take it as a criticism. Reading people's responses is opening my eyes

OP posts:

Siennasun · 14/05/2015 19:23

I think FWB and fuckbuddies can work but only if both parties want the same thing and are both getting what they want from the arrangement.

IT doesn't sound like this is the case for you. It's good that you are aware that you are a bit vulnerable. I agree with pp that you should walk away from this situation.

weedinthepool · 14/05/2015 19:33

Yep I too have dates with my FWB. I enjoy these more than the sex tbh. Although that's good too!

The difference between a normal relationship and a FWB arrangement is; you know it's going to end (mine is going abroad to teach, I know I'll never live with a man again) you don't discuss the future, at all and there's no come back if either of you say I can't do this weekend I've got plans/I want you to go home now/I'm not in the mood to see you. Your friendship allows you to do this where as in a relationship these things have to remain unsaid or you don't feel them. OP could you take it on the chin and carry on with your own life if he chooses something/someone else over spending time with you? If the answer is no I wouldn't pursue it because you want more than FWB.

Redglitter · 14/05/2015 19:38

We don't do dates to us that's blurring the lines

Handywoman · 14/05/2015 20:55

OP I reckon with all these phone convos over the past weeks, he likes the thrill of the chase and once he's had his wicked way with you, he'll go completely cold on you.

Original poster

Confusecom · 14/05/2015 21:05

Handywoman I think you are probably right, I delayed meeting him but he kept pushing and pushing sending romantic texts and messages. I think it will all be over once he get what he wants. Maybe the friendship and the shared hobby is just a ruse also? It did cross my mind.

Maybe it is better just to be lonely than be used? I just long for some affection and a physical relationship and maybe I thought this is one way to get some even though he sees other women too

OP posts:

FolkGirl · 14/05/2015 21:31

one of my other women ? That would put me off.

I have had a fwb a few times. It works for me. I really struggle in relationships.

I like fwb arrangements because you're proper friends. You do stuff as friends and then sometimes you have sex too.

My recent one just fizzled out. But we're still friends as we always were. Just that once where there was sometimes sex, now there isn't. The one before that, we've become better friends since the sex happened. But we never even acknowledge it anymore.

I've never fallen for one. I like the fact that it's not even on the cards. No one feels used. It's fun while it lasts. And then we're still left with friendship. I like it.

jesy · 15/05/2015 09:57

Just to say my experience of it, I dated a guy last year and he ended it but w slipped into a fwb .
I thought I could handle it ,till I realized I'd fallen for him,he was honest when he found a girl but it was over before started and we ended up having a few more nights together.
I don't regret it but I'm not sure I could cope with it again.
I'm with some one now and very happy but do wonder why I did it

Norest · 15/05/2015 10:20

It's 100% the wrong way to go to get some affection and feel less lonely, because this man will make you feel the exact opposite of those things once he sleeps with you, and will do it whilst saying 'I was straight with you, I never wanted more', so you end up feeling even worse.

FolkGirl · 16/05/2015 09:36

I think some people confuse a friend with benefits for a fuck buddy.

A fuck buddy is someone you meet up with for sex. A fwb is a friend woth whom you have sex. If there is no affection at all or uou feel pty/used afterwards, then it's a FB situation and probably not right for you.

A fwb is a real friend.

If anyone is involved in either of these hoping it will turn into more, it won't. I'd feel betrayed if a fwb developed 'feelings' because that would ruin it, and the friendship. They're not on the same continuum as a romantic relationship at all.

FolkGirl · 16/05/2015 09:38

I have no idea what pty is. Or what I intended to type!

Original poster

Confusecom · 16/05/2015 12:39

From what I gather FWB is not exclusive either. The guy I am sort of seeing has several FWB

OP posts:

CitySnicker · 16/05/2015 12:50

Redglitter · 16/05/2015 18:09

Our FWB arrangement.IS exclusive

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