very sorry to hear you've been through this Nicki10, ERPCs do knock you for six a bit, all those PG hormones with nowhere to go and then an operation and blood loss on top of everything else. Do make sure you are looking after yourself, I don't know if you have any other children, but if you can you should put your feet up as often as you can and get yourself a good course of multivitamins with iron.
But most of all be kind to yourselves, you and your dh. He has probably never really made the equation between sex and feotuses before, and having seen what he saw on the scan and the sadness that came with the news and then seeing his wife going in for an operation, the whole thing has probably become distant and medicalised and he is scared of putting you and him through that again hence the unwillingness to have intercourse.
Give yourselves time.
You don't say if you are ttc again, but if you are, my advice to you would be to put that at the bottom of your list of priorities, build up your intimacy again, if that's sex with out penetration then although it may feel neglectful to you - I'm just guessing here, but when you have a missed miscarriage that ends in a ERPC you feel like your body has let you down and you look for validation as a woman (sorry if that's so much psyhco babble) it is still steps in the right direction. Do things together that are just for you as a couple and don't focus on sex for procreation or other wise.
I know I sound like Claire Rayner but I have been there done that to an extent and I should just like to add that we conceive again after 5 cycles after I 'd been out with my girlfriends, had a few to drink and a lot of laugs and then got home and jumped my husband. What I mean is that de stressing is hard to do after an experience like yours, both of you, but allow yourselves to do just that and you will be on the right track.
HTH and good luck