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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband calls me a cunt.

26 replies

EasyToEatTiger · 14/05/2015 14:20

He has a filthy temper, has hit me in the past, but has now taken to calling me a cunt and a liar. He does this when I have a different interpretation of what's going on. Dont know what to think, I don't want to go out. I'm gutted. Also in a way relieved that he's finally told me what he thinks of me. He doesn't understand that i don't feel affectionate.

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/05/2015 14:26

If there no children, call the police and have him removed.

goddessofsmallthings · 14/05/2015 14:33

If your 'filthy' tempered and foul-mouthed h can't understand why you don't 'feel affectionate' towards him he's not very bright, is he?

How long have you been married? Do you have dc? And do you rent or own your home?

Fudgeface123 · 14/05/2015 14:35

Can you leave?

Miggsie · 14/05/2015 14:36

You do not have to remain married to a man who clearly hates you.

Why is he in your life?

I assume he wants a slave not a human beign to share his life with.

Divorce and run.

glitteryflange · 14/05/2015 14:39

Tell him it takes one to know one.

Nolim · 14/05/2015 14:42

He has hit you? Call the police. Better now than nevet.

Reginafalangie · 14/05/2015 14:44

Why are you still with him He is verbally and physically abusing you. Please call women's aid.

www.womensaid.org.uk/ 0808 2000 247

derxa · 14/05/2015 14:47

I think you know what to do. Leave!

Mide7 · 14/05/2015 14:47

He sounds like a lovely person. You need to put the wheels in motion to have him out of you life. Also call that police or a domestic violence charity.

Cherryapple1 · 14/05/2015 14:55

He is an abuser. You need police and Women's Aid. You deserve much more than he will, or can, ever give you. Please get rid.

ouryve · 14/05/2015 14:57

No other way of putting it - LTB. Before he kills you.

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 14/05/2015 15:15

We have 2 dcs, lots of dogs and a house. Yes, Miggsie, I have put it to him in other words that he wants a slave.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 14/05/2015 15:17

I'd be more concerned about the physical violence than the verbal although both horrendous - why on earth are you even posting about him, he should be long gone no?

GoatsDoRoam · 14/05/2015 15:19

Doesn't matter what he wants. What do you want? More of the same treatment? Or a life free from that treatment?

There is help out there to support you in leaving him. Are you ready to do that?

MadameJosephine · 14/05/2015 15:22

If you have dc then all the more reason to leave, do you want gen to be raised in a household where it is acceptable for their mother to be treated like shit? Please find the strength to get out, for your children and for yourself

Andrise · 14/05/2015 18:18

And that's why he should be an exH. Not negotiable.

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 14/05/2015 18:52

My dad was a terrible father. Awful. This is a different person, different circumstances, a different life. I do not want to believe that the same thing is happening all over again. I am in denial. And devastated. And lost. And heartbroken.

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 14/05/2015 19:08

You're not in denial if you can recognise the pattern which is repeating itself here.

It is really very hard and painful to accept, though. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

What kind of real life support do you have, love?

Yarp · 14/05/2015 19:16

He told you what he thought of you the first time he hit you.

So sorry this is happening to you

Take the brilliant advice and support of the women who have been through it - her and in RL

Yarp · 14/05/2015 19:16

here

Original poster
EasyToEatTiger · 14/05/2015 23:37

Very little RL support unfortunately. What's the link Yarp?

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/05/2015 23:40

He doesn't understand why you don't feel affectionate? Is he forcing sex on you too?

foraret · 14/05/2015 23:50

He sounds an arsehole.

By screaming abuse at you whenever you disagree with him, what does that do? It trains you not to challenge him, or ask for too much.

But don't waste too much time figuring him out. The important thing is to have figured out that you are not going to be his well-trained slave. I left a man like this and it feels harder before it. I promise you that.

foraret · 14/05/2015 23:53

ps

Don't make the mistake of thinking that ringing women's aid is a step too far. They're not there to help other people who're worse off, whatever that is. Ringing women's aid/& going to a refuge isn't something that will define you forever. It's a practical step to get you out of your old life.

foraret · 14/05/2015 23:55

ps2 he understands well that you don't want sex by the way. But it's proof of your submission and his dominance in the household. If he can scream cunt at you when you challenge him or seek to have any need met, and then later bully you in to having sex, that will give him a power rush. He's bully you and you're having sex with him. Believe me, he gets it 100%

Surprise him. End it.