right to see allegations by ex

[hodgehegs]

Hi

Had a recent meeting with school/health professionals for my daughter, whose anxiety is affecting her attendance.

The board met privately first, then had a meeting with me to discuss the best way forward. Then after my meeting they had a separate one with my ex, as we cannot be in the same room together due to our history and my anxiety due to the abuse I suffered from him.

I have (unofficially) heard from one of the board members that he distributed a document to everyone there about me, containing allegations and generally slating my character and parenting.

Does anyone know whether I have a legal right to have a copy of this document and if there's a formal way I shoudl go about requesting it?

Thanks.

How can you request a document that technically you don't know exists?

Absolutely you have a right. Don't be fobbed off.

Yes, abbykins. Tricky one. I don't want to drop the person in it who told me. But if serious allegations are being made about me behind my back, surely I have a right to know what's been said to school/drs and defend myself?

Thanks Spotifymuse, I just want to make sure I go about it in the right way.

Request the document under the defamation law, as you might need to show it to your solicitor as a potentially libellous document.

Whether or not you show it to anyone is up to you of course

The board will have drawn some conclusions about you during your interview with them.
Presumably the person,you know on the board would have spoken favourably about you beforehand.
I just wouldn't betray a trust that was placed in me.

Having said that,I am 100% on your side!

The board will have seen malicious stuff like what your ex is doing time after time.

Don't stress if you can and just know that he is showing you put DC first he just wants to harm you and doesn't care about DC being in the way.

They will know what he is doing. Especially if there is documented history.

I can't afford a solicitor or to take him to court, unfortunately.

Several people on the board are aware of the situation, as he has been making allegations for 7 years now, but I have never had sight of a document he has written yet, all I get are brief summaries on the paperwork when SS attend and then quickly close the case. Feels like I'm always staying quiet and doing the decent thing, focussing on my daughter, then defending myself continually. I want to be able to fight back.

I wouldn't reveal the name of the person who told me. Privately I have been told they think he's a pain, but unfortunately there's not enough evidence for any of them to stick their neck out and say so formally.

She does have issues with weight and school attendance, so on record there are problems, but I have co-operated and asked for support all the way along, and the reason she has so many issues is because he's been messing with her head all this time. When he started making allegations there was nothing wrong with her, but now she's been poked around and investigated so much it has given her massive anxieties which impact her life and reflect on me because she lives with me and only has contact with him.

Sorry to vent, makes me so mad he is up there harassing professionals saying he is fighting for his daughter's welfare, when he is the cause of it all.

And it's hard to just sit back and do nothing, knowing that lies are being spread about you :(

I got through to CAB and they told me I couldn't do anything. They said I wouldn't be able to find out what's been said about me unless an investigation is started, in which case they would have to inform me.

Hodgehegs - I've sent you a private message.

Can you not write to the board stating that you have an acrimonious relationship with your ex. Which previously has included him making untrue and defamatory comments about yourself. Therefore you are officially asking them if he made any statements either verbally or in writing pertaining to your character during the meeting.

I assume they will have to answer this question honestly and then the door is open.

You can make a freedom of information request. They will have to give you a copy of everything they have in writing/on file about you. There us a statutory timeframe for this.

I don't know how much they would have to give you under the data protection act.

Make a SARS request, see here:

ico.org.uk/for-the-public/personal-information/

As a parent who has been undergoing a similar experience over the last three years you have my support and sympathies. We are just starting to get somewhere with DD1 now but I can only offer a few words of advice which might help:

1. Don't get hung up on whatever he has handed in as a report - if it is not genuine or untruthful it is a ploy to discredit you and remove blame from him, it does not mean his word is gospel.

1. Keep calm and focused on the child, not your relationship with him - he's going to do whatever he does, you can't change that - keep him out of all dialogues and adopt the catchphrase "what can I do to help my child".

1. If he is bullshitting he is going to trip himself up eventually - I understand you don't want him present with you but it is important for professionals to witness his interaction DC and the wider family unit (our progress has developed from the picking up of the non-verbal signals which spoke more than anything either myself or ex had to say).

1. Finally, look after you too and realise how strong you actually are. He's your ex, he can't control you or your feelings anymore if you don't let him.

and for you. Hope that all doesn't sound patronising but after all our problems it turned out that the parent trying to pull me down was the cause of it all in the first place so don't get drawn in.

Thanks all. Will try your links and see what more I can do. Just so fed up after 7 years of trying to do the right thing, staying child focussed, being told he will leave me alone eventually etc and it still going on.

Will go get that piece of cake right now!