Feel like there is trouble brewing

[vodkanchocolate]

Hi, first of all want to point out we usually have a very happy marriage and usually feel like we are best friends as well as lovers. After 9 years together usually still miss him even when hes just at work and hes usually txting saying he cant wait to get home etc. Im pretty laid back usually but last few weeks im beggining to feel really irritated by him its like every little thing is annoying me and hes picked up on it in return either snapping or been really distant towards me. Im not 100% sure why im feeling like it its like is come from nowhere, I confided in a friend who said it just simply sounds like a normal marriage but this isnt normal for us!! We have had 2 rough patches in the whole of our relationship which we have managed to get through and put behind us.

I was already feeling irritated but 3 weeks ago he got access to some money from sale of his grandmas house that family had just sold, wasnt a very large amount as had to be shared out between about 10 people but we had booked a well deserved holiday, finally going to sort the kids bedrooms out and was going to give the kids some money to put away. The money left we had decided to save for a rainy day as we currently had no savings. He was talking about getting a second car but after discussing it he agreed that in thr long term couldnt afford to run a second car long term. 2 days later he turns up with a car right chuffed with himself, its nothing fancy a 12 year old astra so wasnt really a lot of money but trying to get through to him that its going to be hard to budget for the extra petrol, maintenace etc etc is going to be hard on a normal month having one car is a burden at times, but hes totally over reacted says he never gets anything for himself bla bla. I put my feelings across and not mentioned it again, but its really pissed me off he seems to think now potty training the youngest the cost of not buying nappies in our weekly shop can help towards it. I havent let on but im actually quite enjoying having access to the other car through the day im getting out a lot more

There is other stuff but dont want to have to go into too many details,m but just fed up at moment feel like we are going to have a major argument at any time

Rant over

Forgot to point out the money hes used for the car was the money we were going to save

I think you sound like hard work.

He spent the majority of his inheritance on the family. He bought a car that didn't cost much and YOU are enjoying having it? You're annoyed and snapping at him constantly, just because.

Unless the other stuff you don't want to go into is pretty major I think you sound like a right moaning Minnie.

I think it's totally wrong of him to have bought a car without telling you!!! Especially after you discussed it.

Would I mind my DP buying a car with that money? Probably not because it's money we wouldn't otherwise had have, and it;s something just for him and something he seems excited to have and what he would like.

I wouldn't be happy that he didn't discuss it though - that part just doesnt sit right with me at all.

YABU. The texting from work: is it all from him, or is it because YOU text him seeking reassurance? If the latter, I suggest you give your head a wobble.

oh im no moaning minnie usually im just feeling really irritated by everything at the moment dont really know why... The problem is that we are living life by a very strict budget the only reason we were budgetting for one car was for his work other wise I think we would of got rid. We have holiday booked but have yet to start saving for spends.

I know i feel a right cow...Hes a fab hubby and dad and he does deserve something for him I know deep down. Hate sounding like an old fish wife just dont understand why im feeling like this lately

Hmm... is it what he's doing that's irritating you, or is your irritation out of nowhere? You seem fairly clear that you started the snapping and he's just responding to it. Is there something in your life/health that could be making you extra irritable but you've somehow focused on him as the cause?

Little bit miffing about the unilateral car decision, certainly, and he seems to have been rather cavalier about how it can be afforded - these things really should be a joint decision as, even though it was his inheritance, it has an ongoing effect on the family budget. But I think it wouldn't hurt if you were to acknowledge you're also getting some benefit from it, in the spirit of give and take.

Well life isn't easy with small children. Are you a SAHM? I am and I find it really tough and relentless sometimes most of the time. It's ok to acknowledge how hard it is and have a moan, it really is .

Its not so much him, im just feeling like I want to be on my own a lot more and he doesnt seem to understand that, for example the other day he was working the late shift so was at home I asked him if he could have our 2 year old for a couple hours just so I could get out a bit on my own and looking after her isnt an issue but he couldnt understand the fact I wanted to be on my own as if I was getting upto something in the end he ended up coming with us and I didnt get my piece all I was gonna do was nip to town and have a look around

I am a sahm I have tried a couple times to hold down a part time job and both times have failed homelife suffered but I think id be happier to work I do admit I do feel down and he is usually like a comfort blanket for me but atm im needing space

Be grateful for what you have. Most people don't get holidays, let alone second cars, savings etc. He sounds fine, yabu.

Ok, well you need to be ruthless then. Don't see the "sad face" when you want to do your own thing for a few hours, which is FINE by the way. Just go. Don't get drawn into a long convo about it, kiss the kids quick and breeze out. Do you feel guilty when you want to do something?

And what exactly does he think you'll be "getting up to"?

Hmm. How much time do you get to be on your own, doing stuff that is for your benefit and no one else's? The fact that he wouldn't allow you to go out alone in case you were 'getting up to something' jumped out at me.

Hi again thanks ladies. Have been deep in thought all day and I think problem is with me had this anxious feeling that I cant shift think a trip docs maybe in order I have suffered from depression and anxiety off and on since was a teenager, dont remember this restless feelin though.

I am extremely greatful to my husband I really do love him to bits and feel so guilty that im feeling so off towards him, my eldest daughter has just suffered my brunt of it aswell. Im greatful that we are getting a proper holiday this year even though its still in this country we wouldnt have been able to budget for it without this money, we still need to save for the spending money though. I may sound like im been a princess but im not honestly we live a very modest lifestyle the cars are both over 10 years old and we have no savings at all in the bank.

It wasnt that he wouldnt let me out, I think its just the fact im usually asking him to come we do everything together usually he thought it was weird. Im gonna sit down and talk to him tonight after work if kids are settled. We get the odd fri or sat night free to ourselves the inlaws are pretty good at having the kids but then depends if my eldest is with her dad or not

I think your anxious and snappy as he has pissed you off! If my OH went and bought a car without consulting me I'd be fuming! Things like that are bound to cause friction. You might feel better if you have a good chat and set firmer expectations