DH reactions to me being ill

[feelingunwell]

NC for this one as it is current situation which may out me.

Full disclosure - there are shed loads of other problems in my marriage but this is the one I am struggling to understand most :(

I don't get ill very often and most times I just get on with things - work full time and 3 DC so you just have to.

However DH appears to show no sympathy, empathy or understanding at all when I am ill. He gives off the impression that I have become ill to inconvenience him! He offers no solutions to avoid me having to do things like school runs, shopping etc. when I am ill - I need to ask him to consider the alternatives (i.e. he could do the school run but it is slightly more convenient for me to do it, when I am well).

Recently I had really horrific muscular pain. One morning as we were getting up I moved my shoulder in the 'wrong' way and the pain was off the scale :( I was crying and moaning and trying to breath through the pain - he walked out the room and then the house without saying a word to me :( I am sure if the situation were reversed I would have, at least, asked him if he was OK and probably asked if there was anything I could do to help.

I am off work ill today, horrid throat infection which has been brewing for a few days. He has not once asked if there is anything he could do for me or if there is anything I need.

There are other examples of this type of behaviour from him but as I say I don't get ill very often so it is not a regular thing.

I really don't want to think that this attitude towards me when I am vulnerable is as awful as I think it is but it is isn't it?

DH says I give him no sympathy either . It's just he is such a drama queen (it's "exhausting", "agony" etc rather than tired or sore) and he says he's "dying". Jeez. We have a toddler and a newborn - I'm just about holding things together but giving sympathy is beyond me just now. I think 'fine, be ill but do it quietly and keep out the way' and getting sympathy isn't going to happen. I think his mum used to fawn over him when younger if unwell and he is a bit of a hypochondriac anyway going to the GP for the smallest things.

And I very rarely get ill so I have very little patience with it at the best of times - with others too not just him.

My DH isn't always sympathetic, but has a sister and dad who are 'always ill' - mainly for attention or avoidance. I think he grew up ignoring it. When I had c/s for kids, or PND, or slipped disc, he was great. But if I just feel all worn out, he is less so. Might be worth investigating illness within your DH's family to see if there are patterns.