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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is relate the best option for us?

5 replies

Beaverfeaver2 · 13/05/2015 02:23

Been together since 15.
Now 30.
Married 3 years.
Fertility issues on my part.

I feel numb. Don't like to talk much, feel like running away. Spend as much of the time out of the house as possible.

DH has noticed this and says I'm being selfish and that if I don't want to spend time with him anymore that we should separate now rather than hang it out for another year.

This prospect would have once scared me senseless, but being as numb as I do I just don't see the bad and almost think separating would be the kindest thing to do.

I know I loved him once, and I lived him not that long ago.
But I don't know how I feel about him anymore.
We don't say nice things to each other and we are not affectionate or passionate.

He doesn't have friends, and he seems to be resentful that I have friends and enjoy spending time with them.

He is main breadwinner.
I earn half what he does and live in an expensive area.

My only negative right now to separating is that I don't know how I'd afford to live on my own.

We have been happy in the past, but I just have this nagging feeling in the back on my head that we are holding each other back from a possible happiness that might be out there as I fear we won't make each other happy anymore and if we stayed together and eventually had a child together that it would put even more strain on something that has turned out to be so rocky.

We are on holiday now and I just want to go home.
I can't sleep.
I am just counting down the days ??

OP posts:
Beaverfeaver2 · 13/05/2015 02:53

I've just read about stonewalling and it describes me to a tee.

Sometimes I think that if I could force myself to be more affectionate and communicative and 'present' that I could start to 'feel' again.

But I just don't know if I can

OP posts:
Beaverfeaver2 · 13/05/2015 10:39

Bum for the morning

OP posts:
Skiptonlass · 13/05/2015 18:14

I think counselling is a good choice if neither partner is abusive and if both are comitted to the process.

Have you seen your GP about possible depression? Your post is very numbed in terms of emotions...

You may well be right about things having run their course, in which case an amicable separation would be an option...but I'd certainly explore possible depression and give counselling a try.

gessami · 13/05/2015 18:27

I also think you should consider whether you are depressed

Joysmum · 13/05/2015 18:30

Ditto the other 2. Speak to your doctor Flowers

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