Been together since 15.
Now 30.
Married 3 years.
Fertility issues on my part.
I feel numb. Don't like to talk much, feel like running away. Spend as much of the time out of the house as possible.
DH has noticed this and says I'm being selfish and that if I don't want to spend time with him anymore that we should separate now rather than hang it out for another year.
This prospect would have once scared me senseless, but being as numb as I do I just don't see the bad and almost think separating would be the kindest thing to do.
I know I loved him once, and I lived him not that long ago.
But I don't know how I feel about him anymore.
We don't say nice things to each other and we are not affectionate or passionate.
He doesn't have friends, and he seems to be resentful that I have friends and enjoy spending time with them.
He is main breadwinner.
I earn half what he does and live in an expensive area.
My only negative right now to separating is that I don't know how I'd afford to live on my own.
We have been happy in the past, but I just have this nagging feeling in the back on my head that we are holding each other back from a possible happiness that might be out there as I fear we won't make each other happy anymore and if we stayed together and eventually had a child together that it would put even more strain on something that has turned out to be so rocky.
We are on holiday now and I just want to go home.
I can't sleep.
I am just counting down the days ??