Broodiness? I just don't know.

[stripeytopblackberet]

I feel so broody. I am desperate for a baby. I keep thinking about how I might be able to start my own family, and feeling slightly insane because it's so strong.

I know feeling broody isn't something that's unusual but how do people deal with it? I really understand the term 'urge' now. In the past I've thought I'd like to have a baby but now it's like an actual thump - a need to be a mother.

I know this isn't the right place but I wasn't sure where to put it!

Your original post doesn't say, is there something stopping you having a baby?

Yes - I'm single! :) Sorry, I completely forgot to mention that rather pertinent point

I spent a good 3 years being broody in a stable marriage. I was ready to try for kids before he was and there was just a dull ache as a backdrop to my life the whole time.

4 years later, DD arrived. It's hard to think back to how empty and achey I felt back then but I obviously got through.

When you say you want to "deal with it" , do you mean you want to try and erase those urges?

Because another obvious way of dealing with it would be to become a single parent by choice. Would you consider that?

Yes, I would, but I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. So confused :)

Well, why would, or would it not, be the right thing to do?

I have a physical ache some months because the urge is that strong. It makes me cry sometimes when my OH is talking about his DD when she was a baby because I haven't had it yet and I'm jealous and sad. But I'm only 21. We're not married, don't own a house, I'm nowhere near where I want to be with my career ... It makes no sense to have babies yet. But your hormones don't understand common sense and it is truly heartbreaking some days. I think if I was single and of a certain age, had a decent financial safety net, i would go for the single parent thing. What's stopping you pursuing that at the mo?

The right thing to do because:

It would stop the broodiness (I hope!) I would get to experience motherhood.

The wrong thing because:

1. I'd need to use a fertility clinic and have treatment with donated sperm. I think this is a contentious issue and might cause problems for my child in later life.
2. I have little practical support around me; no family to help (for instance.) Parenting alone would be literally me, alone.

What does your gut say?

I don't know. I'm worried about the child. If it was just me - I'd do it tomorrow! But I can't bear to have my child grow up and wish they didn't exist.

How old are you?

Going it alone would be very hard with no support network in place.

Nearly 35

Why would your child wish they didn't exist?

I can sort of see where you are coming from then as the clock can be powerful on your mid 30's.

Would the practicalities work if you did, especially from a financial point of view?

Yes. I would be entitled to claim CB but nothing else. And maternity pay.

Goats, I guess because I've read a lot around the subject and some people seem very fixated on the idea that it's immoral/wrong to do this.

Part of me thinks 'sod them' part of me wonders if I should hold out for a fairy tale

There will always be people to disagree with any choice a person makes. It really depends which path calls to you most, or feels most in line with your own needs and values.

Maybe you can see yourself raising a child alone. Or maybe for you it's important to raise a child with a partner, making the partner a conditio sine qua non. You are the only one who can judge.

I can really sympathise with you OP and my advice, perhaps unconventional is: Go for it!

You see, once you have your baby it is you two against the world, other people's for or against argument becomes theoretical noise that is simply is too insignificant to listen too.

I spend years being broody, to the point where it drove me to severe depression so I do understand where you are coming from. I had a partner but we were not in sync with how we felt. We have a son now and he is our world. I can not imagine my life without him.

My partner is away alot and I have no family so it is hard, harder than anything I have ever done before.But I know that this is my life and I am so grateful.

There is no right and wrong here, all I do know is that if your urge to be a mother is all consuming, then go for it while you still can. I would, had I not had a partner.

Another one saying go for it. I think you'll regret it if you don't, fairy tales aren't guaranteed.

Thanks :) wish I knew what to do.