Well what do I do here??

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

Name changed, DH been acting a bit odd, spidey senses going off.
Bit distant, not affectionate out a lot.

So I kept eye and generally carried on as normal. Anyway I woke up to pee and heard he was asleep downstairs so I went down to wake him up. This was about 5am.

There. On the table. An empty bag with remnants of powder in. I was so shocked I just left him and went back to bed and have not let on I know.

I've been monitoring since, and had a snoop in the phone and it appears he has been hiding a significant habit from me.

I'm torn between desperately sad he couldn't tells and absolutely raging.

What do I do with this??

Also, am not going to be able to reply til tomorrow as I don't want to get caught on MN!

You need to ask him if there's something he would like to tell you.

Give him the opportunity to tell you before jumping in with both feet.

Do you have children? If you do then it's worrying that he has left it lying around.

He needs to want to stop though, you can't make him. If you can't live with that, and I know I couldn't, then it could be the end of your relationship.

Well you need to talk to him about it.

I'd start with the bag and not disclose the additional monitoring/significant habbit and see what he says and how forthcoming he is.

If he's honest then take it from there.

If he lies, which is likely, you have a whole other problem. But then tell him the further stuff - be honest - and DO NOT get deflected by "you shouldn't have been snooping arguments". Just respond repeatedly with "yes you are right but that is not the important issue her" repeat and repeat and repeat till you get back to the matter at hand.

XP still won't admit he had a significant secret coke habit for years.

IME he will lie, minimise and then lie some more. Sorry you are going through this.

You need to ask him about it

Has he ever done drugs before? Any reason why he would start now?

He might be grateful for you finding out

It may or may not be coke.

I'd be securing any savings you have before you do anything.

Then address it with him. You could say "I know you've been using drugs" then give silence and see what he says.

If he's leaving drugs lying around and you have kids, I'd thrown him out tbh.

I too would firstly protect the finances and then start the conversation.

I wouldn't confront and accuse as my first tactic though. My aim would be to foster a situation giving him the chance to confide. Trouble is though that confiding means admitting he has a problem...to himself before you and he may not have reached that stage yet.

So I'd be starting the conversation with, 'i can see you aren't happy and there's something you haven't felt able to to talk to me about yet. Please tell me, I love you and want to help you through it'.

I'd then leave it a couple of day and say the same thing again saying I know there's something wrong and he needs to trust me to tell me.

Again I'd then leave a few days opportunity and then I'd confront after that.

Good luck with whatever approach you try