DP and I have been together a reasonably long time. Just over 8 years. Since DD was born 3.5 years ago, he's been less likely to have sex with me. We were down to every two/three weeks for about two years and now it's probably closer to once every three week/monthly.
He refuses to touch me affectionately. Says it's a personal space thing he's developed. He's very affectionate with DD tho. There was a long time where he'd go out drinking and come back as his passionate old self. I wasn't so concerned that it took alcohol for him to find me attractive just glad to have the affection and it rolled over into the next week or so after.
I fully believe that we are at that awkward stage where touch has become an issue and if we make the effort, it'll come back naturally.
He says he does still get sexual urges but it never seems to be at the right time.
I think out of guilt he has become a much better boyfriend all round, taking us places at the weekend instead of seeing friends. Paying more instead of ensuring everything is equal.
I've also started snoring like a bear. Possibly out of tiredness/stress of life which means he really struggles to sleep in the same room as me because he has that thing where noises really big him.
Anyway, the reason I'm posting is because we possibly just had our most awkward moment yet. He went straight to the spare room instead of attempting to come into our room which he normally does. I asked if he wanted to have sex and when he said no, I said if you change your mind you know where I am.
Five mins later he comes in. I joke about shall we kiss/spoon wtc and he says I'm just going to lie here for a minute. He's just lying there physically working himself up to it. There's never any foreplay/kissing. I joke that I feel I should be more involved in this part. He then says he feels too awkward about it. He literally can't bring himself to have sex with me. But then he makes no attempt to be affectionate and arouse either of us. No wonder it's awkward.
We've just put an offer in on our second house together. I said maybe that's not a good idea. He's agreed. We've had this conversation a thousand times since DD wS born. We are great companions but not sexually. We used to be so passionate.
So... If you're still with me... What can I/we do????
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Another sexless relationship thread. How do i/we work through it?
Cassie258 · 11/05/2015 23:45
If I'm interpreting right, was he laying there wanking to get an erection until he judged himself 'ready' for PIV. That is a crazy way to behave if so. At his age if he needs to do that then something is going on either mentally or some ingested cause. You seem to put a lot of faith in his honesty, perhaps you could just ask him what he's playing at with that performance? From how he's behaved towards you - blaming you for pregnancy, assuming you'd accept a lack-lustre performance for the rest of your life with him - seems he has no respect for you, but it may be that he has a general lack of respect for women too. You could try going out more and being with people who do respect you and make you feel good about yourself. Sounds like you may as well go to the gym too in the evenings. If he's such a gym bunny,I'd guess he has a competitive nature so you might get more response by showing him what he's missing, before you chuck in the towel totally - at the same time it will build your own confidence and self esteem. Find yourself as an individual too, we mothers have lots of other individual needs going on 
Seriously, you are in your twenties. Why would you? Am sure you are "great together" - as really good mates and parents. But your intimacy and sex life are crucial, it's what differentiates a relationship from "friendship", companionship, whatever you wish to call it. It sounds utterly soul destroying to have him reject you over and over, and it's not your fault, you are already blaming yourself, so the erosion of your self esteem and sense of self has already started. Just to think of him lying next to you "getting himself ready", oh dear lord I can't imagine how utterly appalling that felt for you. You are a very young woman, and you will still be great parents apart rather than having to live with this rejection. Please, for the sake of your own sanity, move on.......
No he wasn't lying there wanking. Literally lying there preparing mentally for the torture he was about to endure I think. Unless he's doing something in his mind to turn him on/shut off whatever it is that stops him wanting it.
Yes I've had partners before. Enough partners
He was taking a 'natural' testosterone supplement for a while. Said it didn't do anything.
I've tried dressing up. I'll come down stairs and I'll just sit there watching tv looking like a twat. Then we'll go to bed and he says he's going to sleep. Tired wtc. I've given up with that.
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