Anyone read I Love You but I'm Not In Love with You? And was it helpful?

[ThisTimeIAmMagic]

Just that. DH and I have drifted apart because of stress and parenting. I want to try and get things back on track and wondered if this book had helped anyone.

Bumping this.

Bumping again but I'm getting the message no one has read it!

Has he actually said this? Or is this what you feel about him?

If no-one here has read the book, perhaps you could talk through the issues you face instead, here or with a Relate counsellor (either alone or as a couple)?

I think it's how we feel about each other tbh. We're both tired and disconnected. Our lives revolve around DS and work and when we get time together we mostly talk about DS. We were so close but parenting has changed things and we feel more like flatmates at the minute.

I read this book when I was thinking of leaving ExDH. It was really helpful to me.

It also gave me lots of advice which I am bearing in mind for my new relationship!!

Thanks Aftermath. Obviously it didn't save your relationship with your DH although that may have been because of other factors. I'm glad you have found it helpful with your new partner.

Feeling like flatmates while raising a child is not an uncommon experience. Do you think you would benefit from couples' counselling?

I am having some individual counselling for depression and anxiety. I think joint counselling would be helpful but frightening IYSWIM. I don't even know where to go for it.

I am so tired and feel so unfit. If I can get my health sorted out then everything else will be easier to manage.

But you are getting your health sorted out: you are having individual counselling. That's you putting in the work to get it sorted - give yourself recognition for that!

[[www.relate.org.uk]] would be a good place to start looking for couples' counselling, if you are in the UK.

Link fail

www.relate.org.uk

Thanks Goats. I used to feel so close to DH but now the idea of opening up in front of him horrifies me He is a workaholic and every so often I blow up and tell him we need to change things before they are broken for good but we never really change.

It sounds to me like you want change, but the idea of being vulnerable in order to achieve change is putting you off.

Being vulnerable is ok. That's how intimacy happens. And counselling is a safe space in which to open up - that's what it's designed for.

If you felt close to him before, there's a good chance that he's still a safe person for you to open up to again - do you think so?

Op you could try changing your title to get more responses. People may not have read the book but I'm sure there will be plenty who have been where you are now........

Thanks. I think I don't like myself much at the moment and it's making me feel like he doesn't like me either.

I'm so tired.

I also suspect that the fact that you are seeking help from a book, rather than face to face, is symptomatic of the fear you have about opening up to your husband.

A book ultimately can't solve your problems: only your own actions can. Although a book can sometimes be a useful prompt.

I really wish you all the best, Magic. I think there is much to be gained from talking to your husband. In front a counsellor if you think that would be a helpful guide.

Report your thread if you want MN to change the title, and put in the comments section what you'd like the new title to be.

x-post: Ah. Yes, it's tough not to like yourself, and it does make everything else seem worse.

However, just because you are feeling negatively about yourself, doesn't automatically mean that anyone else is.

It's more than likely that your husband loves you and would love to have a heart-to-heart with you in order for both of you to feel better.