Are teenage relationships worth it?

[jamestfc]

Okay, there's no doubt about it, I'm probably quite an emotional lad. My relationship ended a week ago now, and it really was pretty short of around 10 weeks. I'm 17, my ex was 15. The whole thing was so out of the blue, she acted normal and her usual self the day before, and the next day she went blunt, then suddenly left me. I honestly had no clue this was coming. We had only admittedly seen each other once in that time period, we were a 15min train journey apart and she said she left me because we just wouldn't ever see each other. However, she said she had been thinking about what to do for the whole week after we broke up.

It turned out her friend said she saw me as a friend now, I'm not right for her. I didn't really understand, she lied to me again and again, I mean I was pretty hurt. The thing is, I've always been the one to be left, and I don't really understand why. I think I do find I'm committed to making things work, I don't know if anybody else gets like that?

But yeah, I find that I'm going around in circles, I'm always the one who is left. I kind of envy almost when people make things work. I feel the main issue is my anxiety has gone high, I do not understand what makes me not the right person. It's having a negative impact on my sleep and ability to learn for my A-Levels which really concerns me.

I consider myself to be quite a nice person really, me and my ex didn't argue once. I try to look after myself, I have a blanket of friends around me. But I'm ever asking the question, Am I not good enough? Why does this keep happening? And are teenage relationships really worth it?

Although it probably feels like you are hurting a lot, 10 weeks isn't a long time to know somebody. She probably just reached a stage where she had got to know you better and decided she values you more as a friend.

A two year age gap when you're older is f a great deal - but it is when one of you is still in school and the other one isn't. The make up of your lives is totally different.

Try and focus on meeting somebody a similar age to yourself.

Have a manhug. Have a warning: there will be a LOT more of this sort of thing. At 17 I was clueless. "I'm a Nice Guy! Where is the relationship I deserve?".

Doesn't work like that. Be yourself without hope of reward or blame, accept fun when offered (there's a lot of it about) and get on with your revision. You're a work in progress.

My own DD has been crushing young men without guilt for some years now. They move on, and so will you.

Of course teenage relationships are worth it!

Look at it this way : your feelings are entirely valid, but that doesn't mean the person you're with at 17 is going to be person you're with forever.

She's 15 - that's a big maturity difference, and maybe it just wasn't right. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you.

Looking back at my earlier relationships, I see that I learned something from every single one of them. Sometimes the guy was lovely but just not quite right. Sometimes the timing was wrong. Sometimes the guy was an arse and I ran a mile when red flags came up. It's like anything - you need to make lots of mistakes with Relationships in order to find out who is truly right for you. The old cliche about kissing a lot of frogs is true.

What's really important now is your a levels. Please, please concentrate on them! I don't mean that to sound like I'm trivialising your breakup, emotions are emotions whether you're seventeen or thirty seven, but there are millions of lovely girls out there and you're going to have a lot of fun (sprinkled with the usual amount of heartbreak) meeting them. But... You are at a crucial point in your life and a levels are important. It's also an important life skill to learn to function and carry on even when things in your personal life are shit. In the future, you may need to carry on at work through all sorts of stuff - bereavement, divorce, illness etc. harsh but true, alas.

So no more of the 'I'm always the one who is left' that IS a pity party and you don't need to wallow. You CAN and indeed should feel roughed up about a breakup, but 17 is too young to be making generalisations like that. Allow yourself a set amount of wallowing time, and stick to it.

Then keep revising and chalk this one down to experience.

Oh and disgrace above makes a very good point..

There are dark, fetid corners of the internet where (a tiny minority of) men gather to moan that they're Nice Guys (tm) and life owes them a supermodel. They don't have one therefore all women are evil.

Don't get sucked into that cesspool. It doesn't work like that. Life owes you neither a living nor a 'ten'. The sulky man children on these sites just don't get that.

disgraces advice is spot on. You're a work in progress. You'll eventually find your one for life, but until then, enjoy the practice. I certainly did at uni.... ;)

Now go and revise! (Whip crack)

Oh no I do completely get that don't worry ;) I was just trying to suggest I don't act like a dick etc.. But yeah I suppose so :)

I'm always the one who is left. I kind of envy almost when people make things work. I feel the main issue is my anxiety has gone high, I do not understand what makes me not the right person. It's having a negative impact on my sleep and ability to learn for my A-Levels which really concerns me.

It's got nothing to do with being the 'right person'.

Most teenage relationships don't last very long. Your gf was very young and maybe she just couldn't handle it. On Home and Away teenagers sit down and have mature discussions about where things are going, but in real life teen relationships tend to end in lies, drunken rows or snogging your best friend.

Nothing is more important than your A levels. If you find these relationships upsetting, then focus on your exams. You'll have uni to get to grips with women (wink) and in few years you won't remember her name.

If you are determined to stick to looking for true love then go for someone your own age.

I remember being 15 and deciding to dump my 16 year old boyfriend because he seemed a lot more into it than I was, and I didn't really feel like being physically intimate with someone I didn't think I had much in common with. Trouble is, my complete lack of emotional maturity meant that I expressed this intention by just starting to ignore him whenever we were together. It was cruel and immature, but I was just a kid and had no idea what I was doing. I was too young for a relationship.

Maybe it's a bit like that with your ex? When I was 17, I met someone a bit older, and I'm now married to him. A lot can happen between 15 and 17. So yes, maybe go for someone a little more grown up, if you're looking for a meaningly longterm relationship. Good luck!

*meaningful

I agree that it's quite an age difference at your age OP. I also dated a 17 year old at 15, and also dumped him. He had been sexually active previously, I didn't want to sleep with him, and, just like merricat above me I had no idea how to articulate this, so I ditched him.
But, yes, heartbreak in your teens is agony, you poor thing. All you can do is look after yourself, see your mates, and know that you have plenty of time to meet the right girl. And between you and me, dating is no less confusing in your 30s! (Sorry!)

I think teenage relationships are worth it because at the risk of sounding twee they will help shape the man you are going to be.
I had some brilliant relationships as a teen and one really awful one. The awful one taught me never to allow anyone to treat me badly again.

Stick with it, you are too young to give up on relationships. Also don't think that there's anything wrong with you every time a relationship breaks down, maybe you just weren't compatible, there are loads of reasons teen relationships don't work out. Perhaps she didn't want a serious relationship. Isn't it better to find out after 10 weeks rather than 10 months.

Keep going

James - In life try and "do the right thing at the right time", right now the most important thing in your life is your A levels. So any activity that negatively impacts your study should be curtailed/stopped.

We all develop as we move through life (this is a life long thing). In the future (when you look back) whether you start your emotional journey at 17 or 21 will make no difference. So don't feel you are behind the curve even if your mates have girlfriends.

As much learning can come from what we perceive to be bad times as the good times. When someone pointed out to Edison that he had failed over 100 times to invent a light bulb, he responded by saying that in fact he had succeeded to find over 100 ways not to invent the light bulb. You are already starting to gain emotional maturity through dealing with this sad event. So all is not lost, you have found a person you really don't want to have a relationship with . And as you progress in life you are going to have to learn to deal with the whole range of people.

Last point "other people" always seem to have the better of things But I'm ever asking the question, Am I not good enough, its rarely true.

So its up to you to decide Are teenage relationships worth it?

ps/ You have me on TFC, cant think who that is.

Just to buck the trend here slightly, I was encouraged by my parents to make good friends of the opposite sex but not to pair off with them unless I was sure I could be with them a long time. I followed this advice and had lots of male friends.I went out in groups, went on holidays in groups,had a great time and travelled alot and then when I was in my 30's I fell in love for the first time and we are celebrating our 13th anniversary today. I have never experienced a 'broken heart', I have no other partners to compare him to which in my opinion is a good thing and we are very happy. I personally think that emotionally,it is better to get to know others well as friends before you pair off and get emotionally entangled. If you get distracted too soon with the physical attraction, you miss obvious indicators of incompatibility.