Long backstory. My mother has a bi personality but there's two sides to her. She's a barrel of laughs and so helpful. In reality she criticises me, phones daily with stories of illness. Cries in a chair and expects me to do her housework even while in late pregnancy. She contacts me to do favours for her like get something in a supermarket that is awkward for me to get to. I have two children under two and coping ok. But when I arrive at the house she will criticise my hair, baby socks not right colour etc. This is on going for years. I was shy as a teen and she organised a party and I brought some friends. She screamed at me when they left that I had made a mockery of her as she told eeveryone (aunts etc) that I had no friends. She was sick on the day of my hen. My graduation etc.
All the attention is on her.
Anyway when I confided in a relative that she was being hurtful they let me down badly and told her what I said (it was my brother and I will never forgive him- I pretend I get along with him to keep the peace) she got my father (who I adore) to turn on me and dh. My mother then went to see a counsellor and came to my house with a letter he told her to write and she said I made her want to end her life because of the way I treat her. Fast forward a few years things have been ok ish. I visit but am low contact in that I only phone her on occasion. I don't tell her anything. This weekend she was going to babysit. We had tickets that were expensive. Last minute she said she wasn't up to it unless my father came home. Dads phone was off so we didn't bring dc over. Then Sunday I got a phone call ask in why I didn't turn up with dc.
We have never asked before and never will again. I wouldn't have asked but they are always saying they want the dc and I know my own dc are my own responsibility but I just don't expect anything from her anymore. It's not about the concert. She never wanted me. I have never done anything wrong to her.