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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP & MH issues - help, what should I do?

12 replies

secondchanceathappiness · 10/05/2015 16:02

I've posted here before about DP & MH issues. Things are deteriorating.nthis afternoon we had a row & he left saying he needs to clear his head & needs time on his own. I'm worried sick. He has become so insular &!unresponsive over last few weeks, no affection, no connection. He's got so many problems, I don't know how to help, or even if I possibly can. Please tell me what would be best course of action.I feel physically sick with worry right now.

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 10/05/2015 16:02

Has he seen the GP? Is he on medication?

Original poster

secondchanceathappiness · 10/05/2015 16:07

He was on ads but refuses to go back onto them. Is seeing counsellor in a couple of weeks.

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 10/05/2015 16:53

Do you live separately?

Original poster

secondchanceathappiness · 10/05/2015 16:55

Yes we live separately, though have been spending lots of time together. We both have children with previous partners. I'm divorced, he is separated. Been together about 18 months.

OP posts:

Original poster

secondchanceathappiness · 10/05/2015 18:18

I've still heard nothing. Putting on brave face for my kids. ?? anyone got any advice??? X

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/05/2015 18:20

All he's said is that he needs time on his own. I think you should let him have that. Perhaps just text him saying you're there for him, then leave him alone for a few days. He hasn't said he's suicidal, has he? He just wants some time alone.

mistymeanour · 10/05/2015 18:22

Could he see a counsellor sooner? If he wants to leave to clear his head temporarily ,perhaps you should accept that but let him know you will support him in any way you can. He needs to want to get help himself, you can't fix him. You need to focus on yourself and your DC. Be kind to yourself and conserve your energy and strength. I found this forum (and a lot of the archived posts) useful for gaining insight into the pattern of behaviour of the depressed partner. depressionfalloutmessageboard.yuku.com/

Original poster

secondchanceathappiness · 10/05/2015 18:22

Not today he hasn't, but has said in the past that he wished he wasn't around & other such things. That's why I'm worried... But you are right, I soooooo want to call him but won't as don't want to hassle him. Is that the right thing to do?

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/05/2015 18:31

Yes, don't hassle him. If he has said that in the past but hasn't said it now, then all you can do is assume that he doesn't feel like that now. Hold back - I know it's hard - and wait for him to come back to you.

Original poster

secondchanceathappiness · 10/05/2015 18:32

Thanks imperial. You are right & I want him back more than anything, but I don't know how to cope with his depression, I really don't. He's not the person I fell for 18 months ago.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 10/05/2015 20:21

unless you a re a trained psychiatrist/psychotherapist/counsellor then no you cant help him...you can be there to support but if he is ill he needs professional help...you would not fix a broken leg, you would get him to a and e.

if you think he is suicidal you can call police to go check on him.

techgirl · 10/05/2015 20:46

Been there have the T-shirt. As others have said all you can do is be around if he wants support, and encourage but don't push on his getting help. Hardest thing about having a depressed dp is that as mine once told me offering them love, support etc doesn't actually help when they are on a downer. But things can improve and as said do look after yourself.

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