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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH and mid life?!

2 replies

nelehluap · 10/05/2015 10:28

DH, 25yrs wed, now aged 48....last few weeks he's been absolute hell to live with.....I'm no expert on the mid life for men but what the hell can I do? He's always grumpy, I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around him, I try and talk to him and he won't listen, often blaming a 'situation' in me by turning a problem around.....he never EVER takes responsibility for something he's said out of line or something and will always imply I'm the one whose got it wrong. He's very damming, compliments don't exist, he'll always be doom and gloom before he then starts to pick his mood up.

Yes he's tired, he works full time etc....but then so do I and yes I'm tired too....we have two beautiful daughters too but he does very little with them either. He has no family to speak of.....

I just don't know what to do....he's admitted he's depressed but won't go and get any help/advice. I sit down and talk to him as much as I can but even I'm at a loss as to know what to suggest. He's really getting me down now and yes the kids sense this too although they're old enough to know when to give him space....

He went to the GP years ago and was signed off work for two weeks and prescribed anti-depressants....he ripped both bits of paper up.

I don't want to sound selfish but I feel like just walking away, for my own sanity, but I know it won't help....what do I do?

Our marriage has been ok....bit up and down occasionally...I feel I'm now walking around on egg shells with him....and I know thats not right.

Help xx

OP posts:
nelehluap · 10/05/2015 10:28

Situation 'on' me not 'in'....

OP posts:
mistymeanour · 10/05/2015 17:57

So sorry you are going through this - it is hell! He needs to want to help himself, you can't fix it. You could tell him he needs to get help from the GP or agree to see a private therapist/counsellor and that you will support him.

I found the Anne Sheffield books on supporting a SO with depression helpful : www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-When-Theyre-Depressed-ebook/dp/B001RLTFAM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431276835&sr=8-1&keywords=anne+sheffield

www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Fallout-Anne-Sheffield-ebook/dp/B0012GTZBG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1431276881&sr=8-2&keywords=anne+sheffield

and the related forum:depressionfalloutmessageboard.yuku.com/

Look after yourself and concentrate your energy on you and being your own best friend. Has any life event precipitated the depression (bereavement, work problems, empty nest etc) ?

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