How to stop getting so emotionally involved

[keepgettinghurt]

I met a really nice guy in January, we got on well and really enjoyed spending time together, 6 weeks later it was over. He ended things. I was really upset because I really liked him, we had so much in common. I met someone else, again got on really well and after 7 weeks now this is over too because he has decided he is still in love with his ex. Now I am facing heartbreak all over again. I guess I am asking how do I stop getting emotionally involved with men? They seem to be able to walk away without a second glance and each time I am the one left struggling and crying. They seemed so genuine too, have I just been taken for a ride? Have I been used? Why am I finding it so difficult? It is not as if we were together for years.

Sorry you've had these crappy experiences OP..not sure what to advise (and I'm sure others will be along to help), other than maybe it would be helpful to do some self-reflection and spend some time getting to know yourself, what you want etc.
It's just that for you to invest so heavily in these men you don't really know, I wonder if you're trying to fill some void or emptiness?
It takes a LONG time to get to know someone properly; to see how they handle stress, what issues they may have, what their values are.
It sounds so trite (and I apologise!), but you really do need to make yourself happy first, before you can have a happy healthy relationship.
That aside, maybe think about the type of men you've been dating, who have you been attracted to historically? Are they (emotionally) unavailable?
You're special and lovely so hold back in the early days, they need to show they deserve your respect, time and all the rest of it
Hope I'm not projecting too much in the above, just speaking from my own experience!
x

It isn't you!! Believe me I have dated a wide range of different types of men in the last year and had the same thing happen three times. I find these men can not just be honest with the people they date or perhaps even themselves. Sorry this has happened to you op, it's shit.

Well after 6-7 weeks these men are still virtual strangers to you. That indicates that the loss you feel is not about them, but about you. You feel loss of affection, loss of potential/imagined future, loss of validation or reassurance that you are nice and attractive. That is what a 6 week relationship provides you with and it's possible to invest far too heavily in that to meet the needs that aren't being met.
So you need to work on meeting those needs through more reliable means so that when you meet a man you are both more protected and also know that you are falling for the real him, not the way he makes you feel that your needs are being met.
Need cuddles? Get a cat, borrow a dog, babysit a friends baby, ask a good friend!
Need a future to plan? Start planning one based on what you want to achieve in life, not revolving around a man. Plan a holiday, enrol on an open university course, take up a new hobby, join a gym.
Need reassurance and validation? A little more complex. Consider counselling. Good luck.

Thank you for your kind words choccy I think I do over invest in men. It is just hard to go from texts and lovely messages all day long to nothing. I guess I got used to it very quickly. I just feel so happy when I am with someone, someone to share my daily life with, hold hands with in the park, simple things. I do have other things in my life but being with somebody brings much joy. I think I do need to hold back

niceup that is reassuring to hear although it is not good to hear. I think both guys weren't sure about what they wanted but obviously thought it was a good idea to get involved with someone. I guess I should be grateful it was over so quickly

Ehric it's true the loss is all about me and my hopes. I do need to get my needs met in other ways rather than all through a man because I can't keep going through this. Thank you

This all sounds so familiar hurt; I do remember waking up in the morning, feeling a bit low and a lovely text message completely changing my mood and perking me up.
I don't know what exactly what changed for me or how it happened. It could have been the two very damaging relationships I was in, but I just don't need that anymore; my children give me more than enough happiness, other real things compensate. Friends, work, other bits and bobs. Real things.
I'd love to be strolling round the park, hand in hand, blissfully in love (hopefully one day!), so I know how you feel, but I'm more discerning about who these days. It's about realising your worth and value. Someone who is so full on and attentive early on then nothing, that's not a good dynamic. That's not real.
Take some time. Hope that helps and good luck xx