Found viagra and need advice please.

[Nickibee1985]

Hi everyone,

I hope someone can give me some advice because I feel like I can't think straight right now and don't even know what's right and wrong anymore.

I have suspected my partner of 8 years has been cheating on me since around August 2014, just after I fell pregnant with my first child which I sadly miscarried. I have not found any concrete proof that he has cheated but all the red flags are there and despite trying to get over it, I cannot ignore my gut feeling, it just keeps coming back again and again.

It all started when he suddenly started doing A LOT of overtime at work, some days he was working 19 hours, he's a carpenter but in the previous 7 years he never had to work so many hours, sometimes he wouldn't get home till 4/5 in the morning, this was while I was still going through the emotional pain of the miscarriage. Along with the change in working hours came a huge ego, like I've never seen before from him. As well as other things such as blank vacant stares as if he's looking straight through me, not communicating with me much, less kisses, seeming happier when he leaves to go to work than he does about coming home, he also started talking/laughing in his sleep EVERY night, which he never used to do. Around the same time I first started having suspicions that he was cheating, I noticed he turned his text msg notifications off on his phone, I asked him to put them back on which he did, but I keep finding that he's turned them back off again, they were off when I checked last night, what reason can someone have to do this? and there have been around 4 occasions when I have found out his phone is on aeroplane mode when he is with me, last night was the most recent, but how many times does he do it when I don't know about it? The night before I found an empty pack of 4 100mg viagra hidden in an old iphone box in the kitchen drawer, he's only 32 and never had a problem with me. I asked him about it and he got defensive and swore at me and then an hour later told me his friend at work gave him 1 and it was to see if anything felt different and that it was so he can last longer for me, but I feel so betrayed that he would do this behind my back and then hide it so sneakily, what else is he hiding? I can't get it out of my head that he's cheating, is all this proof enough or am I being dramatic, I just don't know what's real anymore. Please, any advice will be appreciated.

we are only speculating anyway...no concrete reason to suggest that drugs are anything to do with the shit behaviour of this bloke

and even if they were...op should not allow any excuses, justifications or explanations cloud the idea that being treated like this is not acceptable

OP, when your life starts to resemble the Jeremy Kyle Show, it's time to reassess

seriously

Tbh when he was doing so much overtime, sometimes 19 hour shifts i asked him if he had been taking coke or something cos its not normal for someone to work all them hours and then come home and ready to work the next day but he denied it. I think the lie detector thing is a bluff aswell. I dont want to believe all this, especially without real evidence but i cant help what my body is telling me, im so anxious right now, feel like im going to have a panic attack whenever i think about it.

this is no way to live, love

Im definetly reassessing things, do you think i should make him believe everythings ok right now whilst i think things through? Or is it better to ignore him as much as i can, he just tries to deflect by talking about other things and i just dont know what to do for the best, i really am a confused mess.

based on what he has already said to you, I don't see the point in actually ever talking to him again

in your situation I would be calmly planning my exit

AF

Erm, that was relating to AF's previous comment on page one.

Nicki - seriously think about what you want. He sounds like an a.hole.

I might be projecting but on my second miscarriage, my stbxh said that "I knew he never wanted kids anyway" - it's their way of detaching and excusing their behaviour. 18 months on, he's still playing the 'poor me' card about losing our babies. It's all denial to justify their behaviour.

Ugh. Men who use a miscarriage to further ram home their abusive point make me fucking sick.

No handful that isn't what I meant. OP said that she had found Viagra, she explained he was 32. It sounds unlikely he went to the GP at this age to be prescribed Viagra. The people who get hold of these drugs to supply usually have other things on offer. This tends to be a young persons game, most of us 'oldies' just couldn't be arsed. I know quite more builders who 'use' than I know builders who 'don't' unfortunately. I have experience myself unfortunately.

This was just an 'aside' thought, nothing to be distracting from the main point of the thread.

OP, you partner is calling your bluff. Call it back. Remember what JK says about who he can't test?

handful I am sorry for what you have gone through too

Well nicki the laughing/talking in his sleep etc. etc. certainly suggests to me that he's popping something on a regular basis and his behaviour with his phone doesn't sound too good either. I'm so sorry.

My bro said that he'd take a lie detector test to prove he wasn't being unfaithful and, predictably, his wife said no. But then, later, she changed her mind. As did he. Bastard.

He's offered. For your piece of mind, if you think you have a future together,I'd say accept.

I would say, yes please to the test. Remember though, he can only answer those questions put to him. I would also ask him to leave for a bit xxx

I sleep tall, walk etc and I do it when I'm stressed. I can sound like I'm having a while of a time apparently!

Say yes to the lie detector test as that will probably throw him. He will probably turn it around on you and refuse to do it as there would be no point as you obviously don'y trust him.
Go with your instinct-it seldom proves you wrong

Is it an iPhone ? Even if he's deleted messages you can search keywords and it will pull them up.

Personally if you feel he has then you are probably right :-(

it's a "no" to the lie detector test from me

any man that pushed me into Jeremy Kyle territory would have to be out of life

get some self respect and decide you don't need any of this shit

Do you really need him to take a lie detector test?

Sorry to say but it sounds to me like he's up to no good.

I know this must be really hard for you but all the signs are there.

Do people really put their partners through lie detector tests. Where would you even find such a thing?

Op, I don't think it could be any clearer that your DH is cheating on you. I'm just sad that you have suspected and lived with this for almost a year , it's a long time to put up with such crap.
And the viagra story? He actually had a whole hour to come up with that crock of shit excuse and thought you would believe him? If he wanted to know what it was like he would have used it as part of your sex life wouldn't he? Oh and btw if you suspect him of doing coke, viagra is often used by coke users as the coke affects performance.

I really hope you find the strength to leave this wanker. Don't waste any more of your life on him

Found a blue tablet in the room exh kept his clothes.

I freaked out thinking my young son was taking drugs.

Finding out that it was my husbands Viagra/ cialis whatever so he could keep his pecker up with the other woman was a much better option.

Trust your gut instinct OP.

I mean wtf keeps their phone in airplane mode if they are not on an airplane?

Watch, wait and start getting finances in order.

He's up to no good and don't go down the route of a lie detector .

Sorry you're having to go through this.

I must admit AF, I've felt like it bit I'd never actually ask for a lie detector test. Think it's dead by then.