Hello, I think I'm suitably qualified to answer on this one too!
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She can see a solicitor for advice on what the process is, what she should look for in a settlement and never tell him that's she done that. She can keep seeing a solicitor for advice and not inform him until...the divorce goes massively wrong (as occasionally they can do) and it's all declared in the bank accounts (months if not years away from that). I strongly urge her to see a solicitor.
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She can engage (instruct) a solicitor. It will make no difference to his entitlements (or hers) but obviously, the costs of the solicitor will have to be paid for out of her settlement. So this option is very viable if there's enough to argue over and the cost of solicitors (and barristers) must be compared to what you stand to gain/lose. A simple divorce costs between 5K - 10K if you use a solicitor. All the way to final hearing in court (rare - less than 2% of divorces I've been told)...budget tens of thousands.
Most solicitors will tell you that they ensure a better outcome than someone who is self-litigating. It's up to you to form a conclusion on that (They say the only people who win in divorce are the lawyers!) All I can say is that I'm glad I did engage solicitors as I felt I had no other option, and yes despite the expense, they did ensure I got a much better outcome than what he was prepared to 'give'). I was ordered not to use them too...many times, but they really did shield me from some of the worst aspects of divorce when I felt too weak, insecure and terrified to defend myself.
- There are three ways to do a financial settlement (which is not the same as the divorce - the two bits are separate).
a) negotiation between the two of them then go to a solicitor to get a 'consent order' written up to send to court as part of the divorce. Cheap, amicable but See 1).
b) Mediate formally. This keeps things cooler and helps both understand the others' concerns. Cheaper than court. Mediators will inform both parties what might happen if they go to court (if mediation fails...) but they will not advise specifically.
c) Go to court. However you can't go to court unless you've attempted b)! Mediation is compulsory before you turn to the courts (except for a very small number of exclusions: read the small print).
As for the headache of belongings (chattels in legal speak). Nope, he can't decide to leave them there for years to come. Arrangements will need to be made as part of the divorce process. She can't just throw them out though...it's more complicated than that because it comes down to who owns/rents the house. A lawyer will explain it according to her circumstances...which are different for everyone. In divorce, there's very few hard and fast rules!
Desertion divorce means he must be gone for a minimum of two years (if he agrees) or five years (if he contests). The quickest routes to divorce are adultery (if he admits...) or unreasonable behaviour. At the moment, I'm betting she'll be horrified by the idea of divorce (I was!)...and so he'll end up divorcing her for UB...which is odd since it was him committing adultery. It is just the process though - and it's a shocking one.
I really do feel for your friend. I'm just over a year from this happening to me so don't hesitate recommending her to come here for some sympathy and support because there's a ton of people who have survived this horror and rebuilt their lives but it's one hell of a trauma to get through.